Once Upon A Time Season 4 Episode 12 Recap: Out With The Old And In With The New (Sorta)

Cant Say That I Find Them Particularly Menacing

We all know what the mid season finale of "Once Upon A Time" means-- a quick wrap up of one story line and the beginning of a new one. Last week we saw the death of Ingrid (the Snow Queen). I'm still upset about that. She could have stayed. Storybrooke needs a good ice cream shop. Where can I sign a petition? Anyway in "Heroes and Villains" Elsa, Anna, and Kristoff say their goodbyes. They have to get back to Arendelle for Anna/Kristoff's wedding. Let's be honest though. I'm not sure the citizenry even missed them. I know Hans and his brothers didnt. I really enjoyed the final shot of Anna and Elsa holding hands right before the wedding. That was very sweet. 

Is This A Great Pic of What? 

Rumple is still working on his plan to use the sorcerer's hat to separate himself from the dagger. It of course also involves killing Hook. Rumple will then leave town with Belle (and hopefully Henry). 

Why Cant Regina Catch A Break?

Meanwhile in the MOST important part of the show (ie anything that involves Regina) Maid Marian has come down with a case of the freezies again. I guess you cant let her die since she has a small child. Otherwise I'd say "accidentally on purpose" give her a little shove off the clock tower. The only solution is to send her across the Storybrooke town line (since magic doesnt exist there). But once you leave town you can never come back (thanks to the residual effects of the Shattered Sight curse). That means Robin Jr (OK his name is Roland) and therefore Robin will go with her. Robin's scene with Regina before leaving was heartbreaking (even to my die hard SwanQueen shipper heart). Is Regina EVER going to find true happiness? 

More Of These Scenes Please!

Later Regina and Emma have a few shots at Grannys. Who knew she had a liquor license? Henry runs in. He has something to show them. Stop interrupting the Swan Queen scenes kiddo! Henry found a secret room at the mansion. Mental Note: When looking for secret rooms always remember to pull all the light fixtures. The room is filled with empty fairytale books. This must be "the author's" house. Who could the author be? Emma joins Operation Mongoose. Is there a chance Regina will still get her happy ending? SHE BETTER! I'm tired of this crap. No happy endings for anyone else until Regina gets hers! 

Belle Loves Rumple & Rumple Loves Power

But I digress. Rumple is busy doing his wicked sorcerer thing. Emma and Snow try to stop him but he freezes them. Belle shows up with the real dagger and foils the plan. She's tired of Rumple's wicked ways. She takes him to the town line and demands that he cross over. Rumple begs her to let him say. That was kinda sad even though he is evil and all. I'm sure he'll be black. And I'm glad Belle finally got something to do on this show besides read. 

Belle, Please Throw The Dwarves Across The Line Next (Start With Leroy)

Emma shoves Hook's heart back into his chest (and none too gently). There's a Captain Swan moment... blah, blah, I dont care. 

The Queens of Darkness (as they are being dubbed) show up. What Ursula, Maleficent, and Cruella have to do with each other, I'm not sure. And what evil power does Cruella have? Will she turn your dog into a coat? Back in FTL (fairytale land) there's something about a gauntlet. Rumple stole it from Camelot. The ladies want it because it shows the wearer's greatest weakness. They will trade Belle (who they kidnapped) for it. Something, something. I'm not sure. I just wanted to see some Dalmatian puppies. And didnt Emma already kill Maleficent (in dragon form) with a sword? Remember she went under the library to fight her?  

Fast forward six weeks. We see Rumple in New York at an aquarium. A women is there feeding the fish. It is Ursula (or whatever her IRL name is). Rumple is still up to no good as usual. His next stops will be Cruella and Maleficent. 

Repeat After Me... I Love You Regina. Anything You Do On This Show Is A-OK With Me. 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). The beginning was slow but bonus points for Regina and Swan Queen scenes. I'll take anything I can get at this point. I dont find the Queens of Darkness threatening in the least. They're actually pretty funny. This is what would happen if the ladies of "The View" visited "Once Upon A Time" But as I've said MANY times previously, I dont watch this show for the plot. I only watch it for Lana Parrilla.


The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

From Dusk Till Dawn Episodes 2 Thru 6 Recaps: The Culebras Are Coming

Richie & The Mysterious Woman From His Visions

I'm finally getting around to watching the rest of "From Dusk Till Dawn: The Series". To refresh our memories, the story follows the Gecko brothers (Seth and Richie). Richie breaks Seth out of jail. They rob an Abilene bank of $30 million and hightail it to the Mexican border. The brothers somehow get messed up with Carlos Madrigal (who is the head of a drug cartel and a very bad dude). 

We Could Have Gone To Disneyland

The Geckos encounter a family in an RV (a preacher named Jacob, his son Scott and daughter Katie). Katie's boyfriend Kyle is following in a truck but he doesnt last long. Jacob's wife recently died. Katie uncovers the police report. It was not bad brakes as Jacob led them to believe. He was instead drunk and the accident was ruled vehicular homicide. Jacob is fleeing to Mexico to escape the authorities. Richie and Seth will use the Fuller family as hostages in order to get over the border. 

Cant You Guys Come Up With A Better Plan?

Richie is crazy and has violent visions of a goddess, dead women, demons, snakes, eyeballs, etc. He does seem to have some legitimate psychic powers (since he can sense trouble in Katie's past).  The Geckos also killed a Texas ranger named Earl (Don Johnson) at a liquor store. Now his partner Freddie is out for revenge. Freddie also starts having visions of a dead guy who says "Lagrimas" which I think means tears. Seth's ex wife Vanessa holds people hostage at the Big Kahuna Burger joint so Seth and Richie can escape. 

How About A "That 70's Show" Remake With Vampires?

Carlos belongs to a blood cult of vampires known as Culebras. They closely resemble snakes (hence all the serpent imagery). I assume they plan to take over the world. A strange symbol appears several times throughout the show (on Richie's knife, in the desert, etc). 

Richie takes a bank teller (Monica Garza) hostage at the Abilene bank. I was hoping she would last through the season but nope. Richie has a vision and kills her in a gruesome fashion. Poor woman. She did everything possible to try to stay alive (including befriending Richie).  

The Fullers and Geckos reach the Mexico border. Richie has decided Jacob is a demon. They are almost detained by the crossing guards. We see in a flashback what really happened the night Jacob's wife died. He was not drunk. She tried to get out of the car. He stopped her and the car overturned. We still dont know the specifics of her ailment (is it migraines or something else)?

Freddie, You Are A Brave Man (Or Stupid, I'm Not Sure Which)

Gonzalez escapes from the Rangers and gets to the border as well. He seeks the police's help but Carlos has beaten him to the punch. Carlos is able to morph into other people so Freddie thinks he's an agent. Freddie barely escapes being killed and heads across the Mexico desert.  

The RV arrives at the Titty Twister bar. It's open dusk till dawn. That's not a good sign. Seth again sees the strange symbol from Richie's knife. Freddie tells Carlos he knows there are "nine houses" coming tonight. Carlos is afraid of them all but one in particular because he will ruin everything. That one is Narciso. Carlos leaves Freddie to be tortured and killed.  

Seth talks with the above mentioned Narciso at the bar. Seth says his deal with Carlos was $10 million in exchange for two first class tickets to El Rey. Narciso laughs saying "El Rey is a myth. It's not for you". 

And Now For The Best Part Of The Show

Freddie escapes his tormentors. One turns into a vampire. Freddie lops off his head only to have him keep fighting. Too funny. Freddie arrives at the Titty Twister. Now the gang's all here. Meanwhile Scott tells Jacob he thinks they've been drawn to the club for a reason. Carlos gives Richie his special knife back. Santanico Pandemonium begins to perform. It is the woman from Richie's visions. I probably would have kidnapped a family, stolen an RV and driven to Mexico to see her too. She is stunningly beautiful.   

Season 1 Episodes:

1. Pilot
2. Blood Runs Thick
3. Mistress
4. Let's Go Ramblin'
5. Self Contained
6. Place of Dead Roads

Grade: 3 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). I'm enjoying the cinematography, acting and fight scenes. The plot is a bit thin, the pacing slow and the dialogue hokey at times. I keep hoping they'll get past the end of the move "From Dusk Till Dawn". It took us six episodes to get to the bar (so I'm thinking they wont go much further). Viewers who didnt see the movie will probably like the series better. All in all, it's good mindless pulpy crime / horror fun. 

   
The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Transparent Episodes 4 Thru 10 Recaps: We Need More Mustard (Season Finale)

The Pfeffermans Minus Maura

If you've gotten this far, I assume you're watching "Transparent". But just in case, here's the breakdown. "Transparent" is available on Amazon Prime. There are 10 30 minutes episodes (all released simultaneously). That adds up to 5 hours of viewing time total. Instead of a series, think of it as a long movie or two typical episodes of "Sons Of Anarchy". "Transparent" tells the story of the Pfefferman family in Los Angeles. There's father Mort, ex wife Shelly and their three adult children-- Sarah, Josh and Ali. Mort (a retired polisci professor) tells his family that he's transitioning into a woman. He will now go by "Maura". 


Maura Has A Caftan For Every Occassion

Given the big changes in Maura's life, you'd think she would be the most unstable of bunch (but you would definitely be wrong). Maura's children are an absolute mess. The oldest child Sarah is cheating on her husband with a woman that she had a relationship with in college. She spent zero time worrying about her marriage before jumping Tammy's bones. Josh (the middle child) gets fired with his job. He's busy having bad relationships with lots of women. Through one of many flashbacks, we see this pattern started earlier in life with his babysitter Rita (while his parents turned a blind eye). Ali is the youngest and the most untethered. She has no job and lives off of her parents. Throw in some drugs and lots of free time and she's a recipe for disaster. 

I love Maura (Jeffrey Tambour deserves ALL the awards this year) but I just hate the Pfefferman children. They are horrible people. They dont think of anyone but themselves.They cant even sit through a talent show that Maura performs in (even after learning how much it means to her). Maura knows the score saying "I don't know how it is that I raised three people that cannot see beyond themselves.". 

Did the lies Mort/Maura kept earlier in life cause (or at least exacerbate) this behavior? We see in flashbacks that Maura has been struggling with her identity for many years. Shelly was aware of some issues but she considered them Mort's "private kink". We also see that when Mort/Maura does something for one child, she wants to make sure it stays a secret.   


What I Wouldnt Give For An Alligator Right Now

There are some good points about the Pfefferman offspring so I cant COMPLETELY hate them (although I really want to). Curse you Amazon for pulling me back in!!! Of course that's the hallmark of a great show. There's no definite black or white-- just shades of gray.  

The girls accept their father's new identity fairly easily. Hey no big deal. They have enough problems of their own to worry about Maura. Sarah has her children call their grandfather "Moppa" (which is a combination of momma and pappa). I thought that was sweet. 

Maura goes to Ali's house one night to tell her of his transition. Ali fully supports Maura's decision but has a somewhat over the top reaction due to her recent ingestion of ecstasy. We also see Ali genuinely concerned about her step father Ed (who has gone missing). Ed has Alzheimers and wanders off on occasion. The kids pretend to search but of course stop for a quick meal. Ali is the only person that is alarmed. Their mother Shelly isnt. She is exhausted from non stop caring for Ed (and unloads on her family at one point saying no one is there for her). 

I especially liked the episode where Sarah, Ali and Maura all went to the women's restroom (only to encounter some bitchy teenage girls). Talk about horrible children! Sarah immediately comes to Maura's defense and tries to rip the girls a new one. Maura wants to avoid conflict and tries to leave. Good for your Sarah. You got some brownie points in my book for that!

Josh has the hardest adjustment to his father's new life. Josh is not a bad person but just a lost soul. He gets a girl pregnant and decides to settle down with her (but she has an abortion without consulting him). He freaks and loses his job. He gets close to the new female rabbi (but that relationship may be ruined thanks to Ali). 


Run Rabbi! Run Away From This Crazy Family!

Speaking of Rachel the Rabbi, I didnt buy that she would start a relationship with Josh. She initially pays a house call to visit Ed and then meets the entire dysfunctional family (minus Maura). Seeing their interaction would be enough to make me run away screaming. But nope, the next thing we know she's in bed with Josh. At Ed's shiva, Ali hints of Josh's conquests and that he's a love addict. Then Josh seals his fate by asking who Rachel spoke to. Was it Syd? Was it Rita? How bout you keep your trap shut dude?

After the shiva guests leave, the family is eating around the table. Ali (who is a complete ass in the final episode) joins everyone again. Sarah announces that she and Tammy are getting married. That's a 180 considering she and Len almost got busy in the laundry room earlier. Josh brings Colton (who we think is his son). Colton is a born again Christian and makes everyone hold hands and pray before the meal. Maura exclaims "Oy gevalt". And end season.


Tammy: The Ultimate Butch

Before I close I'd like to say how much I enjoyed Tammy (Melora Hardin was excellent). She tries to seem self assured but is as dysfunctional as the rest of the characters. What was up with her trying to horn in on carrying Ed's casket? And that speech about the house's decor choices while they were sitting shiva? Too funny. 


Ali & Syd In Gender Studies Class

Also I found Syd (Ali's friend from childhood) to be very interesting. She sleeps with Josh but knows it's not a permanent thing. She later tells Ali she loves her but is spurned. She attends Ed's funeral but Ali says dont bother coming to shiva. Why does Ali treat her so badly and why does Syd hang around? Did I mention I hate Ali?

What will season 2 of "Transparent" hold? It looks like Sarah and Len might get back together at least for a little while (although Sarah just announced her marriage to Tammy). Will Ali ever get a real job? How will Josh get along with his (and Rita's) newly discovered son? Now that Shelly no longer has to take care of Ed, what trouble will she get into? She is hell on wheels so you can bet she'll be up to something. I hope Maura's friend Davina remains in the picture. She is a great support. 

Favorite Quotes:
  • All my life, my whole life, I've been dressed up as a man. This is me."- Maura to Sarah when she asks if he's going to dress like a "lady" from now on. 
  • "I don't know how it is that I raised three people that cannot see beyond themselves."- Maura.
  • Ali:"You are telling me I didn't have a Bat Mitzvah because Dad wanted to out in the woods and dress up like a woman?" Shelley: "That and you were a spoiled brat."
  • "This is my father? And he's a woman! And he has every right to be in this bathroom."- Sarah to a bratty woman and her EVEN MORE bratty children. You tell em Sarah! 
  • "Where is the mustard? There's not enough mustard out there."- Shelly during Ed's shiva. She brought a LARGE container of mustard with them in the limo.  
  • "I didn't want to throw you off with too much Jewiness on the first date."- Rabbi Rachel. 
  • "Politically I am basically a lesbian. I see male privilege everywhere and I would totally love to be a lesbian. But I am not a dyke I am totally into dudes."- Ali (but she later wears a suit to Ed's funeral so who knows).
  • "In five years you are gonna look up and none of your family are gonna be there. Not one."- Davina to Maura.
  • Sarah: "You know that thing you do when you are falling in love." Maura: "Not really."
  • "If I didnt give you any money would you even talk to me?" Maura to leech of a daughter Ali. 
  • "Bye Ed!"- Shelly wastes no time in grieving her dead husband Ed. 


It's About Family

Transparent Season 1 Episodes:
  • Pilot
  • The Letting Go
  • Rollin'
  • Moppa
  • Wedge
  • The Wilderness
  • Symbolic Exemplar
  • Best New Girl
  • Looking Up
  • Why Do We Cover the Mirrors?

Grade: 5 Monsters (out of 5). You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll love, you'll hate, you'll want some more mustard. "Transparent" is about truly seeing each other and loving those around you (even when you dont like what you see). 



The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

American Horror Story Freak Show: Episode 9 Recap: Occupational Hazards Of Avon And Tupperware Ladies

Pardon Me Ladies...

"Tupperware Party Massacre" begins with Dandy opening the door for the Avon Lady. It's that poor woman's unlucky day. Dandy uses Gloria's and the unnamed Avon Lady's heads to make a life size Dot & Bette puppet. Pretty gruesome stuff.


Get It Together Drunk Crustacean

Back at the freak show, Jimmy is still mourning Ethel's death and drunk off his ass. Although lets face it, he really doesnt need an excuse to drink. Sexual innuendos fly as he feeds Ima. Dandy visits Esmerelda for a psychic reading. She is of course a fake so doesnt really see what he's up to. Jimmy screams that Dandy is the other killer clown (but no one believes him). Dandy privately tells Jimmy he will destroy everything and everyone that Jimmy loves. I assume that includes Maggie.  

Stanley and Elsa find the twins at the motel where Ethel stashed them. Elsa says the doctor who specializes in separating conjoined twins (Dr Sugar) is going to examine them. Meanwhile Maggie and Desiree find Jimmy and Ima going at it. Maggie tells Ima Jimmy will have sex with anything. Ima has feelings for Jimmy so this isnt going to be pretty. 


If Only You Would Have Stuck With Tupperware Instead Of A Gigolo None Of This Would Have Happened

Jimmy is at his regular gig servicing Tupperware ladies (but he's drunk and cant perform). Now he's having visions of Ethel as well. Never count anyone out on this show just because they're dead. Jimmy stumbles out. Dandy knocks on the door asking if he can use their phone. His car has broken down outside. Uh oh. Run Tupperware ladies!! The husband returns home that evening to find all the party goers dead and floating in the pool. There is blood everywhere. More gruesome stuff.  


Run Regina! Your Mother Is Not Out Buying Squash!

Regina arrives back at the Mott mansion. Dandy tells her he killed her mother. Dandy wants to take a bath with Regina (like they used to when they were little). A naked Dandy terrorizes Regina but says he doesnt want to kill her. He lets her leave saying "I am above the law... I am the law.").  


Somebody Needs A Hug

Bette and Regina have a heart to heart. Bette tells Dot she will gladly give her life if one of them has to die during the surgery. This is the first time we've seen the twins acknowledge that they deeply care for each other. Dr Sugar is of course a scam. He's Stanley's boy toy from earlier in the season. Stanley's plan to anesthetize the twins and sell them to the museum is getting closer to becoming a reality. 

Stanley encounters Del on the road. He says Andy left Del. We of course know Dandy killed him instead. Stanley whips his big penis out. Del calls him a freak. We're not sure exactly what happens next but you can guess. I love ya Denis O'Hare but I could have done without seeing (and hearing) that. 


You're Weak Del

Next we see Del writing a suicide note. The ghosts of Ma Petite (who Del killed) and Ethel are also there. Ethel tells Del he keeps his shame on the inside where it eats away at him. The rest of the freaks wear their shame on the outside (which is much healthier). Ethel encourages Del to kill himself saying it wont take much work. He puts his head in the noose and kicks the stool away. Del is close to death but Desiree saves him in the nick of time. Side Note: Malcolm Jamal Warner was in this episode as Desiree's new love interest but if you blinked, he was gone. Not sure if he'll be back.  

Regina is back at the Moot household. This time with the fuzz. Dandy tells the detective he will give him a million dollars cash to kill Regina. The detective does not hesitate and shots Regina square in the forehead.  

Dot and Bette run away (wise choice) and end up in Jimmy's trailer. Dot says she loves Jimmy. She/they disrobe. Jimmy asks Bette how she feels about this situation (since it affects her). Bette says she supports Dot (and can go away in her head for a while to give them privacy). Jimmy then breaks Dot's heart. He says he cares about both of them but "the truth is, I'm on love with someone else". Is that Maggie? Sorry not buying that he wouldnt have sex with Dot and Bette (since he's been bedding everyone else in town.) Anyway, the police arrive and arrest Jimmy for the Tupperware lady murders. Lobster Boy's glove was found in the house.  


I Really Hope We Get Something To Do Next Week Besides Stand Here

Penny "The Amazing Lizard Girl" was nowhere to be seen this week. Pepper, Salt, Amazon Eve, Suzie and Paul also didnt have much to do except their usual (look on in disbelief as the police drag someone away). 

Favorite Quotes:
  • "You're nothing. You could be a pillow, a donut, a sock"- Maggie to Ima regarding Jimmy's true feelings for her.  
  • "I am above the law... I am the law."- a naked Dandy to Regina.  
  • "Got a shovel?"- cop to Dandy after he shoots Regina for $1 million. 
  • "I am so tired of our life together Bette, this intolerable arranged marriage."- Dot to Bette. "I would rather have one of us truly live then have both of us waste away."- Bette to Dot. "I love you Bette". "I love you Dot."
  • Del: "Ethel if you're here to talk me out of it, I've already made up my mind." Ethel: "Talk ya out of it, hell, I'm here to watch."
  • Dot (as she disrobes): "You are special Jimmy. Let me take your pain away".
  • "Not many men can say they have a blond and a brunette for a wife."- Dot to Jimmy. 

Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). A great episode. I hated Dandy originally but now he's one of my favorites.  Yes I know that's bad to say since he's a psycho killer. There are only two more episodes left in "Freak Show"-- one next week and then the finale in January. How will it wrap up? Arent Pepper and Sister Mary Eunice supposed to have some scenes? I'm rooting for Dot and Bette to survive but the odds are not good. I hope Stanley and his ginormous appendage end up in the same museum. Now that would be poetic justice.   



The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Constantine Episodes 6 Thru 8 Recaps: Have We Seen The Last Of Constantine

When Nuns Have More Exciting Lives Than I Do


"Entertainment Weekly" just listed "Constantine" as one of the worst TV shows of 2014 and NBC has apparently halted production. Will these be the last episodes we see? If so, that's a bummer. Yes "Constantine' has it's share of problems but it also has potential. Anyway here's the highlights from episodes 6 through 8.   

Killer Kids Are Starting To Bore Me

In "Rage of Caliban", Constantine is on the case of a murdered family in Alabama. It's no surprise that the child is inhabited by a spirit that killed the parents and then jumped to another child. John gets some help from the locals and Chas. Zed is off  in "art class". OK then. What's the point of having her on the show if we rarely see her? Anyway Constantine must dig deep into his own abusive past to help solve the issue. The spirit is a boy named Marcello. His father was abusive and chopped off his fingers with an ax (ouch!). Constantine finally drives the spirit back to the boy's body. He's in a coma in a mental hospital. Cant say this was my most favorite episode. Probably because I've had my fill of crazy possessed children. There are so many these days. 
  
Zed Is Not Looking Too Happy About Being Baptized

Episode 7 "Blessed Are The Damned" was my favorite episode to date. A Pentecostal preacher in Kentucky decides to interject snake handling back into his services (like he deceased father used to). The snake bites him. He's about to die when all of a sudden he comes back to life holding something. (It was hard to tell then but it was an angel's feather). The man now has the power of healing. It turns out his powers are not coming from God though (and the people he heals are turning into ghouls). 

Not All Angels Are The Same. Hey Didnt I See You On "Dominion"?

John brings Zed on the field trip this time (since Chas is off on a personal matter). Why cant all three of them show up weekly? These random excuses as to why they're gone are pretty laughable. Anyway, the feather that gives the preacher his power is from an angel named Imogen. She was carrying him to heaven when he pulled the feather, thus causing her to be stuck on earth. John and Zed find her near death. Manny appears but, as we know, he never gets involved. He's only here to offer guidance. Zed asks to be baptized in the river, steals the feather and returns it to Imogene. It turns out Imogene is a dark angel and was taking him to Hell for having committed a murder. Uh oh, bad mistake. Zed is about to be killed by Imogene. John begs Manny to intervene. He finally does and rips out Imogene's heart. I wonder if Manny will be punished by God for actively participating? Manny again reminds Constantine of the Darkness Rising (but no one seems to do anything about it).   

In other Zed news, we learn a little more about her past. The nude model from her art class later approaches her. Would she like to go out for a drink? When she stands him up we see he's working for some guy with a cross necklace. Zed also got her wish to see an angel. Unfortunately it was a dark one who tried to kill her. Be careful what ya wish for girl! On a related note, I'd like to see the dark angels break through and start making hell on earth. That might be just what this show needs. 

Episode 8 "Saint Of Last Resorts" was not my most favorite but left us with a cliffhanger since the fates of both Constantine and Zed are in question. This week John is off to Mexico City because an old flame (who is now a nun) needs his help. This time he takes Chas and Zed stays at home. John makes a big deal of the Magic Cabin With The Water Wheel protecting her. 

We learn that John and the nun (Anne-Marie) were involved in the Newcastle event Isnt everyone on this show? Apparently Ann-Marie in her pre-habit days like to get it on with teenage boys and dabble in the dark arts. I always find it depressed when nuns have a better sex life than me... but that's a story for another time. 

Take Me To Your Babies

Someone is stealing babies in one specific family. It turns out to one of Eve's sisters (as in Adam and Eve) named Lamashtu of Mesopatamian. She likes to eat babies. She is working for the Brujeria (an ancient order of warlocks). They are going to break the boundary between Heaven and Hell and give her a bigger cut of the territory. She is protected by an Invunche (who was created from a deformed infant and magic). Eeek! John first psychs out the vampire-demon-baby-eater into taking a chicken injected with human blood (thinking it's a baby). You'd hope they could tell the difference. Next the crew goes into the sewers to try to save the babies. That nasty Invunche shows up again. We think the nun will sacrifice herself (like Gary did previously) to save the babies and John... but nope. Instead she shoots John in the stomach and runs off. Way to survive girl! And cliffhanger #1. 

And in plot line B, Zed is not as safe back at home as we had hoped. Naked-Model-Dude Eddie shows up with reinforcements this time. She tries to bluff her way out by saying she'll kill Eddie but they save her the trouble. She runs through the house. She's able to get rid of one woman when she goes through a door that leads to a bottomless bit. Next the guy sneaks up behind her and injects her with something. She is going "home" where she apparently spent most of her childhood locked in a room. And cliffhanger #2.   

Baby-Hungry-Vampire-Demons Apparently Do Not Have Good Eyesight. This Is A Chicken!

Other points to ponder:
  • What's up with that flesh bearing fruit tree? That was freaky. 
  • Chas doesnt get killed in this episode. I thought they were making that a regular thing. Like how can we kill Chas this week. Note: he also only appears in every other episode. Dont you guys have enough money in the budge to show bother Zed and Chas in the same episode?
  • We get a few glimpses of more artifacts in Johns' house. I'm interested to find out more about them. 

Grade:  3 3/4 Monsters (out of 5). I gave "Blessed Are The Damned" 4 1/2 monsters but the other two episodes brought the score a down. What are your thoughts on "Constantine"? Is this the end of the line for John, Zed, and Chas? The show is supposed to be back on 1/9/15. 


The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality 


Sons Of Anarchy Season 7 Episode 13 Recap: The End Of The Road (Series Finale)

Jax, You're Not Wearing Your Helmet...Nevermind.

After seven years, we've reached the end of "Sons Of Anarchy". I thought "Papa's Goods" (along with the previous episode) did a nice job of wrapping everything up succinctly. Do you agree? Please leave your comments below.

Let's hit the highlights (in no particular order): 


I Miss You Tara

Jax wakes up next to Wendy. She knows something is wrong since he's acting strangely. He goes to the storage unit and rummages through some old papers (pictures of his parents, etc) He burns everything (include his father John's manifesto and his journals) in a drum. He leaves the garage/house deeds and birth certificates for Wendy. He leaves his interest in Red Woods to the club. Jax finally visits the grave of Tara. He leaves his wedding ring on her headstone He also visits Opie's grave and leaves his SOA rings. Break all ties to the past- CHECK.  

Jax goes to Barosky's shop and shoots him point blank. Then he goes to the courthouse and waits for Marks.The homeless woman we see on occasion gives him her blanket. Jax says "who are you?" I would like to know too. She just says "its time". So she is the Grim Reaper correct? She always shows up before someone dies. Jax hides under the blanket outside the courthouse and kills August as he walks by. OK I'm glad he's dead but that was pretty laughable. Are there so many homeless people there that they dont even notice him? You're not invisible ya know! Other business with the IRA and other clubs is cleared up and there are more deaths (but I dont really care about that stuff). Kill rest of enemies- CHECK. 

Jax tells Nero the truth about what happened in Oregon. Kill mother- CHECK. Jax tells Nero he's going away. We all know what that means. Jax does not want his sons to grown up around the motorcycle club. I will take this moment to point out that Jax is leaving his sons with a drug addict and an ex-pimp (so I'm not sure how much of a better life they'll have). Jax says goodbye to Thomas and Abel. That was a heartbreaking scene. Say goodbye to boys and make sure they're taken care of- CHECK. 

Jax visits Patterson and tells her the specifics of what happened (the Chinese did not kill Tara, etc) and where to find Gemma and Unser's bodies. Come clean to the police- CHECK. 

In related news we see that Jarry and Chibs have broken up. Chibs threatens her. I never really believed those two as a couple anyway. Tig and Venus share a quiet moment. I really enjoyed the Venus character but, sorry, dont buy that a hardened motorcycle gang member would get together with a transexual. I'd like to think they were more enlightened... but no. Quickly highlight other miscellaneous characters on the show- CHECK. 


Remember When?

The club votes on what they should do with Jax. After a lot of soul searching they agree he should meet Mr Mayhem (ie be killed). Jax joins them in a warehouse. He takes off his presidents patch and gives to the Chibs. Chibs takes off his VP patch and gives it to Tig. The club had already previously voted in T.O. as a member (this breaking the race barrier). Leave SAMCRO in better shape than you found it-CHECK. 

Instead of killing Jax, they shoot Happy in the arm (to create an alibi). Jax visits the spot on the side of the road where his father most likely committed suicide. He says he now understands his father and why he did what he did. You cant be a good father and a good outlaw at the same time. Note: he's also been riding his father's motorcycle this whole episode. Commune with dead dad one last time- CHECK. 


The End Of The Road

Jax goes on a high speed chase with what appears to be the entire Charming police force behind him. I did enjoy the cinematography here (especially the crows flying overhead). Jax sees a semi coming around the corner. It's Milo driving a "Papa's Goods" truck. Remember he's the guy that gave Gemma a ride to the nursing home last week. Jax takes his hands off the motorcycle bars and outstretches them. He then drives straight into the truck. He dies on the same stretch of road as his father. And we have come full circle. Commit suicide- CHECK. 

Favorite Quotes:
  • "I’m not a good man. I’m a criminal and a killer. I need my sons to grow up hating the thought of me.”- Jax to Nero. 
  • "You cant be a good father and a good outlaw at the same time."- Jax. 

Grade: 4 3/4 Monsters (out of 5). The ending did a nice job of wrapping everything up. Taken as a whole, I really enjoyed "Hamlet on Harleys". We got a glimpse of what it might be like inside a motorcycle gang. There were some great dramatic moments over the years. I only have two gripes with the show though (besides the super long running times). 

One is the motivation behind the characters. I understand that the club means everything to these guys. I understand why they're emotional when saying goodbye to Jax (because it's final). What I dont buy is the significance of the patch ceremony (when Jax gives his patch to Chibs, who gives his patch to Tig). Seriously, you guys are a bunch of thugs and pornographers. Dont try to make it seem all noble. It's not like you're protecting the future of mankind or something. 

Two is the religious imagery in this episode. We have Jax dying with outstretched arms. And Milo the truck driver yelled "Jesus" right before he hit Jax. We also have the homeless lady leaving some bread and wine after she gives Jax the blanket (which he later used to killed Marks). Jax is no savior. Even he recognizes that and says "I'm a criminal and a killer. I need my sons to grow up hating the thought of me".

But otherwise, I'm completely satisfied with the ending. It would also be fun to check in on the Teller boys in another 20 years and see what's become of them (especially since Abel seems very fond of the "Sons" ring that grandma gave him). 




The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

The 2015 Golden Globe Nominees Are


It's that time of year again. No, I dont mean Christmas. I mean the TV/movie awards show season. The 72nd Golden Globe nominees were announced yesterday. The winners will be revealed on Sunday, January 11, 2015. The show will be again hosted by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. 

Dont confuse the Golden Globes with the SAG awards, Academy awards or Emmy awards. Those are all other organizations. The Hollywood Foreign Press Association (HFPA) bestows the Golden Globes. 

Last year "Breaking Bad" and "Brooklyn 99" taking home several of top awards. See the 2014 winners here This year we have a batch of excellent new (and returning) shows so it's anyone's guess. I'll give my predictions when we get closer to the date but a few thoughts on the nominees.

Television: Will "House Of Cards" sweep in 2015? Robin Wright won last year. Please give Kevin Spacey the statue this time around. My vote for best actress in a TV drama is Viola Davis for "How To Get Away With Murder". She seriously knocked it out of the park. I believe "Transparent" will win in the "Musical or Comedy" category (which I agree with but I still love "Orange Is the New Black"). And I definitely think Jeffrey Tambor should win for his work in "Transparent".  

Motion Pictures: I havent seen many of these but I will say I LOVED "Gone Girl". I had not read the book. I'm all for Rosamund Pike winning for best actress. I'm looking forward to seeing "Wild" and "Still Alice" as well. I would also like to see "Night Crawler". And I saw the play "Into the Woods". I'll probably catch that just for Meryl Streep. I gotta say, I just dont go to movies as much as I used to. It seems rather old fashioned.  

Here's the nominee list from http://www.goldenglobes.com/

Best Motion Picture, Drama
  • Boyhood
  • Foxcatcher
  • The Imitation Game
  • Selma
  • The Theory of Everything
Best Actress In A Motion Picture, Drama
  • Julianne Moore (Still Alice)
  • Rosamund Pike (Gone Girl)
  • Reese Witherspoon (Wild)
  • Felicity Jones (The Theory of Everything)
  • Jennifer Aniston (Cake)

Best Actor In A Motion Picture, Drama
  • Eddie Redmayne (The Theory of Everything)
  • Steve Carell (Foxcatcher)
  • Benedict Cumberbatch (The Imitation Game)
  • David Oyelowo (Selma)
  • Jake Gyllenhaal (Nightcrawler)
Best Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
  • Into The Woods
  • Birdman
  • The Grand Budapest Hotel
  • St Vincent
  • Pride
Best Actress In A Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
  • Julianne Moore (Maps To The Stars)
  • Amy Adams (Big Eyes)
  • Emily Blunt (Into The Woods)
  • Helen Mirren (The Hundred Foot Journey)
  • Quvenzhane Wallis (Annie)
Best Actor In A Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy
  • Michale Keaton (Birdman)
  • Bill Murray (St Vincent)
  • Ralp Fiennes (Grand Budapest Hotel)
  • Christoph Waltz (Big Eyes)
  • Joaquin Phoenix (Inherent Vice)
Best Animated Feature Film
  • The Lego Movie
  • How To Train Your Dragon 2
  • Big Hero 6
  • The Book of Life
  • The Boxtrolls
Best Foreign Language Film
  • Ida (Poland/Denmark)
  • Force Majeure (Sweden)
  • Gett: The Trial of Viviane Amsalem (Israel)
  • Tangerines (Estonia)
  • Leviathan (Russia)
Best Support Actress In A Motion Picture
  • Jessica Chastain (A Most Violent Year)
  • Keira Knightley (The Imitation Game)
  • Patricia Arquette (Boyhood)
  • Meryl Streep (Into The Woods)
  • Emma Stone (Birdman)
Best Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture
  • Ethan Hawke (Boyhood)
  • Robert Duvall (The Judge)
  • Edward Norton (Birdman)
  • J.K. Simmons (Whiplash)
  • Mark Ruffalo (Foxcatcher)
Best Director - Motion Picture
  • Ava DuVernay (Selma)
  • Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)
  • Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu (Birdman)
  • David Fincher (Gone Gril)
  • Richard Linklater (Boyhood)
Best Screenplay - Motion Picture 
  • Wes Anderson (The Grand Budapest Hotel)
  • Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl)
  • Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Armando Bo (Birdman)
  • Richard Linklater (Boyhood)
  • Graham Moore (The Imitation Game)
Best Original Score - Motion Picture
  • Alexandre Desplat (The Imitation Game)
  • Johann Johannsson (The Theroy of Everything)
  • Trent Reznor, Atticus Ross (Gone Girl)
  • Antonio Sanchez (Birdman)
  • Hans Zimmer (Interstellar)
Best Original Song - Motion Picture
  • Big Eyes (Big Eyes)
  • Glory (Selma)
  • Mercy Is (Noah)
  • Opportunity (Annie)
  • Yellow Flicker Beat (The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1)
Best TV Series, Drama
  • Downtown Abbey 
  • The Affair
  • Game of Thrones
  • House of Cards
  • The Good Wife
Best Actress In A TV Series, Drama
  • Viola Davis (How To Get Away With Murder)
  • Claire Danes (Homeland)
  • Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
  • Robin Wright (House of Cards)
  • Ruth Wilson (The Affair
Best Actor In A TV Series, Drama
  • Kevin Spacey (House of Cards)
  • Clive Owen (The Knick)
  • James Spader (The Blacklist)
  • Dominic West (The Affair)
  • Liev Schreiber (Ray Donovan)
Best TV Series, Musical or Comedy
  • Orange Is The New Black
  • Girls
  • Jane The Virgin
  • Transparent
  • Silicon Valley
Best Actress In A TV Series, Musical or Comedy
  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus (Veep)
  • Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
  • Gina Rodriguez (Jane The Virgin)
  • Lena Dunham (Girls)
  • Taylor Schilling (Orange Is The New Black)
Best Actor In A TV Series, Musical or Comedy
  • Don Cheadle (House of Lies)
  • William H Macy (Shameless)
  • Ricky Gervais (Derek)
  • Jeffrey Tambor (Transparent)
  • Louie C.K. (Louie)
Best  TV Movie or Mini Series
  • Olive Kitteridge
  • Fargo
  • The Missing
  • True Detective
  • The Normal Heart
Best Actress In A Mini-Series or TV Movie
  • Jessica Lange (American Horror Story: Freak Show)
  • Maggie Gyllenhaal (The Honorable Woman)
  • Frances McDormand (Olive Kitteridge)
  • Allison Tolman (Fargo)
  • Frances O'Connor (The Missing)
Best Actor In A Mini-Series or TV Movie
  • Martin Freeman (Fargo)
  • Matthew McConaughey (True Detective)
  • Woody Harrelson (True Detective)
  • Billy Bob Thornton (Fargo)
  • Mark Ruffalo (The Normal Heart)
Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
  • Kathy Bates (American Horror Show: Freak Show)
  • Uzo Aduba (Orange Is The New Black)
  • Joanne Froggatt (Downton Abbey)
  • Michelle Monaghan (True Detective)
  • Allison Janney (Mom)
Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
  • Bill Murray (Olive Kitteridge)
  • Jon Voight (Ray Donovan)
  • Matt Bomer (The Normal Heart)
  • Alan Cumming (The Good Wife)
  • Colin Hanks (Fargo)

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

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