American Horror Story Freak Show: Episodes 2 Thru 3 Recaps: Dont Mess With Miss Patti LaBelle
One Of These Things Is Not Like The Others, One Of These Things Doesnt Belong...  (Feel Free To Sing Along)

So far AHS is keeping up it's momentum. Previously it's had a very strong beginning, only to run out of time and quickly wrap up everything (or just forget about some story lines) in the end. I hope that doesnt happen this year. 

In episode 2 "Massacres and Matinees" we are introduced to strongman Del Toledo and his girlfriend/wife/partner Desiree Dupree. She has three breasts and is a hermaphrodite.
New Besties

Meanwhile the killer clown is still on the loose. My absolute favorite scene is when Gloria drives by Twisty on a lonely dirt road. In her sugar sweet upper crust voice she says "Yoo hoo clown! Do you do children's parties". Hilarious! I mean seriously, why would you try to pick up a clown that looks like that? Anyway I thought Gloria was a goner. Instead Twisty is at her house waiting to play with Dandy. Dandy is doing his usually "Im bored" and "entertain me" bit. The clown humors him for a while and when Dandy tries to look in his bag, Twisty whacks him the head. And did you recognize Patti LaBelle as Dora? I wasnt sure too but it is her. Run for your life Patti LaBelle! Get out of Jupiter as quickly as possible. 

Twisty takes off with Dandy in hot pursuit. Back at the bus/prison the clown shows the robot he stole from the toy store to his captives (followed by a severed head). The kids escape but Dandy grabs the girl and drags her back in. See I told ya that Dandy was a bigger freak than the freaks!
That Dot Is Actually A Great Singer. I Really Enjoyed This Song. 

At the circus Dot or Bette (I cant tell them apart) sings a Fiona Apple song "Criminal" to a packed tent. The boys all form a mosh pit and dance. Later Elsa tells Bette (or Dot) that she is the real star and suggests she off Dot (or Bette). Elsa even gives her a knife. Uh you do know that if you kill her, you're killing yourself right?

Jimmy tries to frame Del for killing the detective (whom Jimmy actually murdered). But the trick's on Jimmy. Del finds the badge and puts it in in Meep's trailer. Meep is sent to jail. A bunch of baddies kill him. The police later drive by the circus and throw Meep's tiny body out. How sad. I didnt know Meep well but he didnt deserve that (even if he did bite heads off of chickens). Del you have got to go!!! Jimmy, Elsa and I all agree.
These Guys Better Lay Low Until Maggie & Stanley Leave

In episode 3 "Edward Mordrake Part 1" we meet several new characters. There are two con artists. Stanley is played by Denis O'Hare. He hasnt arrived at the circus yet . All we know about him thus far is he has a large dangling appendage (oh and that he likes boys). His cohort Maggie is pretending to be a fortune teller named Madame Esmerelda (Emma Roberts). She already has Elsa hooked with visions of fame. Stanley and Maggie are on the lookout for medical curiosities they can steal/kidnap/sell. And of course Dot and Bette fit the bill perfectly.
Poor Ethel (This Was A Great Scene)

Ethel finds out she's dying of cirrhosis of the liver. She wants Del to man up and be  a father to Jimmy. Speaking of "manning up" there's marital troubles between Del and Desiree. He needs the 1950s equivalent of Viagra (whatever that is).
Eddie Should Consider Joining The Cast Of "Penny Dreadful". He'd Fit Right In. 

Dont ask the freaks to perform on Halloween because they wont. If they do, one or more of them will be killed by Edward Mordrake (the man with two faces). Edward apparently was a real person. See Poor Edward for more info. However this whole tie in with freaks and Halloween seemed convoluted to me. How bout you? Of course Elsa has to do a little Lana del Rey number (Ryan try to remember this is not "Glee") and so Eddie shows up. Somebody's gotta die (and it's not Ethel).
Dandy, You Are Getting On Patti Labelle's Last Nerve!

In clown news: Twisty has kidnapped some kid who was tormenting his little sister. See that's what ya get. Dandy dresses up a clown and threatens to kill Dora. But its a dull knife and Patti LaBelle isnt taking any shit off of anyone (especially a whiny punk ass white teenager). Im an seriously love Patti on this show. It would be BRILLIANT if Dora ended up killing Dandy (or at least punched him in his spoiled face). However I fear Dandy will get Twisty to off her instead.
You Might Want To Reconsider This Surgery

Bette and Dot dream of being separated by a surgeon. One thinks its a wonderful idea and the other knows its a nightmare. One says she'll miss the other. My goal for next week is to be able to finally tell them apart. Yes, I know I aim high!
Pepper Wants Meat Loaf!
Favorite Quotes:
  • "Yoo hoo clown! Do you do children's parties."- Gloria Mott to Twisty the Clown. 
  • "Puppetry is a sad cousin to a live performance."- Dandy to Twisty. 
  • "Three titties, proper girl parts and a ding a ling. I'm a full blown hermaphrodite. Put that on your banner."- Desiree. And when Elsa asks Del what that makes him he says "the happiness man on earth". 
  • "Snails, how boring" and later "babies are more boring than anything"- Dandy to his mother. 
  • "If it aint old Honest Abe herself"- Del to Ethel (the bearded lady). 
  • "Your silence is utterly provocative but youll have to earn your keep Clown."- Dandy to Twisty. 
  • "That boy's working my last nerve."- Dora about Dandy. 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). I would have given the show a higher rating if it werent so long. You know I love ya AHS but when am episode gets to 1 hr and 20 minutes something needs to be edited. I continue to enjoy Patti LaBelle looking thoroughly disgusted at Dandy. Ryan Murphy I dont know how you got her on this show but you sir are a genius!

The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episodes 1 Thru 2 Recaps: The Butcher Or The Cattle (Season Premiere)
The Survivors (Although We're Not Really Sure About Beth)

At the end of season 4 most of the survivors were locked in a boxcar in Terminus. See, I told you not to trust those people! They are indeed cannibals. 

In "No Sanctuary" Rick, Daryl, Bob and Glen are lined up over a feeding trough. They will each be  whacked in the back of the head and then butchered for food. Nothing personal.  

Luckily Carol saves the day. She covers herself in zombie innards and walks into Terminus. She blows up a propane tank and frees everyone. She later confronts Mary who says she could have joined them. Carol shoots her in the leg and lets the zombies do their thing.

Speaking of Terminus Mary, we see a flashback to when baddies attacked them. She and her two sons were brutalized. The attacker says "you're either the butcher or the cattle". Did they become cannibals due to their experiences? I'm still not buying that you have to eat people to survive but it does makes me a tiny bit more sympathetic to their story.
The Once Beaten Down Wife Has Become The Strongest Character On The Show

I've said it before but I'm really happy with what they're done with the Carol character. Typically on horror shows it's all the boys saving the day while the girls are delegated to the sidelines. They tend to do a lot of cowering in the corner and handing the menfolk guns. I dont understand why Carol keeps trying to leave though. We know Carol has guilt over what happened back at the prison but I think she's redeemed herself at this point. The group's best chance of survival is to stick together. And they need Carol as the voice of reason. 

Rick also finally has a change of heart. Sure he's still bat shit crazy, but at least he's woken up to the fact that ya cant always coexist peacefully.
Bye, Bye Terminus

At the end of episode 1, it looks like our group can finally have a little well deserved R & R. Rick and Carl are reunited with Judith. Daryl and Carol are reunited in a touching scene. But dont get too happy. On this show trouble is always brewing right around the corner.
In episode 2 "Strangers" we see several new/recurring characters. Remember Morgan from way back when? The last time we saw him he had a mental breakdown (to which I wasnt sure he'd ever recover). Well he's back in the picture and heading somewhere.
Can Father Gabriel Be Trusted? I Dont Think So. 

We also meet Father Gabriel when he's saved by Team Rick. He says he's never killed a human or a zombie and takes them to his church. What is Fr Gabriel really up to? 

Gab takes everyone to a warehouse to find food. There are lots of zombies in the flooded basement. They are a nasty slimy bunch. What's the backstory of the zombie woman with the glasses and Gabriel? My guess is he locked her out of the church and she wrote the message on the wall. 

Bob appears to have been bitten and later tries to leave. He is captured by Terminus Gareth. Rick was definitely right in suggesting they kill every one of the Terminus people.
What About Bob?

Let's face it. We knew something was going to happen to Bob and/or Sasha since they're a couple and too happy. You should always remain very, very depressed if you want to stay alive. But good news from bad news... If Bob was bitten in the leg, it may have just been cut off so he'll live. And he may knock out the Termites at the same time if they all turn into zombies from eating his leg. However, I would think they'd notice a bite mark when they were chomping down.
Stop Talking About DC Or I'll Stab You In The Head

Abraham says they need to get Eugene to Washington DC. What else is new? They can fix up the school bus and go. Im still not convinced that Eugene knows much of anything about a zombie cure. Is there anyone still alive in DC?
Can These Two Kids Get Back Together?

And I really hope we find out what happened to Beth soon. Now that Daryl and Carol are in hot pursuit on the car with the cross on the back, it shouldnt be long. 

In other post apocalyptic news:

  • Tara has been accepted into the group (even though she was Team Governor previously).
  • Michonne left her sword at Terminus and is now using a machine gun to smash zombies heads. She doesnt miss the sword. It wasnt hers to start with. 
  • Im sure those three silences Glen found will come in handy later. 
  • Any bets on if Carol will make it to adulthood? I'm still not sure. He is far too trusting. 

Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). An excellent season premiere and a good second episode. I hope they keep up the momentum. In past seasons they staying far too long at the farm or the prison so I'm hoping a mobile group will help the story's momentum. 

The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Intruders Episode 8 Recap: What Goes Around Stays Right Here (Season Finale)

Nine Is My New Favorite Number

Sorry this review is a little later than usual. I was traveling last week and did not have access to TV or wifi (which put me WAY behind in my television viewing). 

We have come to the end of "Intruders". With only 8 episodes, our time together has been far too short. I'm seriously hoping for a season 2. If that doesnt materialize at least a number of questions were answered with "There Is No End".
The Last Thing Bix Sees. Is This A Great Visual Or What?

Flashback to Queens NY 1931. Bix is in a jazz club and plays a quick number. Is it just me or was that the worst impersonation of trumpet playing you've seen? Anyway Bix is downing drink after drink. He promises Rose he's making a comeback but two weeks later he's dying. Rose grabs the trumpet mouthpiece and makes him look at it so she can resurrect him later.  
Back in present day Washington, we're seeing the aftermath of Gary's jump from the Crane building. Strapped to his chest is all the Qui Reverti info. I personally think he could have brought more attention to the cause by remaining alive (but that's just me).  

Meanwhile inside the Crane building, Todd continues to have the worst day ever. His daughter Meadow escapes but Madison stabs Toddie in the leg. Jack finds him surprisingly still alive. He tells Jack to take the key and open the mailboxes on the wall. This leads to the secret passage. 

Jack hides in the hallway where he hears two shepherds discuss killing Richard right after Cranfield's ceremony. How long can a person be dead before they do the final ceremony? I thought they were done with Cranfield weeks ago. Anyway, Jack finds a room filled with Books of 9. He randomly opens them and see Tesla's, Reagan's etc. I was hoping he would spend more time in the room to see who else is there. Later Detective Blanchard mentions John Adams and Ghandi as well. Next door Jack finds the trigger room. He starts opening drawers and crushing the triggers saying "you're not coming back" and "goodbye" and "goodnight". That was pretty funny. 

Jack hears Madison hammering on a wall. He tells Jack he's now Marcus. It turns out Rose had Marcus sealed inside the wall as punishment for all his misdeeds (so he would never live again). Richard showed up later with Marcus' trigger (the sand dollar) and said "See ya in 18 years". We know it was only 9 though since he ended up in Madison's body. Marcus tells Jack they've both been wronged by Rose and he's going to kill her. Marcus, who of course cant be trusted, slashes Jack and runs off. There's nothing worse than a stabby serial killer in a nine year old girl's body.
Confrontation In The Crypt Room

On a related note, exactly how long has Rose had control of Amy's body? She killed Marcus some 9 years ago. It seems that Amy has been gone for a lot longer than we were lead to believe.
Jack We Really Wanted To See All Those Books Before You Torched Them

Jack sets fire to a book in the QR room and it quickly spreads. There is a confrontation amongst all the main characters but of course no one dies. Richard (armed with two guns) guides Rose out of the building. Marcus escapes. Detective Blanchard and Madison's parents are outside. Richard shoots at Marcus but Jack manages to shield her. She falls to the ground and is not breathing.
Is This Heaven?

We next see Madison and Marcus in a peaceful setting by the water. Is this heaven? Marcus says only one soul can survive when the body dies and it will be him. Madison tells Marcus that despite all his lives he hasnt learned a thing. Nothing is more powerful than a kid who wants her parents. And with that, Madison reenters her body and Marcus is nowhere to be seen.

Rose and Richard head back to the hotel. Bix is however gone. Me thinks he really didnt want to be resurrected and spend any more time with Rose. Cant say that I blame him. 

Jack opens his eyes in the hospital. Detective Blanchard sits nearby reviewing Gary's intel. He asks Jack if he's a part of this cult. Jack says no. He's just trying to get his wife back. Give it up already dude! You're turning into a stalker. Blanchard has to make sure Marcus is really dead. They go to Madison's hospital room. She says Marcus is gone (at least for now). When Jack leaves the hospital he passes a young patient in a wheelchair. He is apparently the spirit of the guy Jack killed back in LA. Uh oh, that's not good. 

The last scene has Jack back at home. I thought the nice couple next door told him to get out or else? Anyway, Jack calls Gary's family and leaves a message. No matter what they hear about Gary just know that he loved them very much. Richard is quietly sitting in Jack's living room. He asks Jack why he thinks he's lived this long (since they could have killed him at any time). Hint: it's because of his mad skills. Richard gives Jack a "9" card and on the back is printed "Jack Shepherd". Does this mean that the soul that is currently in charge of Jack was previously a shepherd or Richard is asking Jack to decide if he'd like to join them now? Amy/Rose previously did refer to Jack as her "shepherd" so I'm not sure.
Call Me Shepherd, Jack Shepherd 

Favorite Quotes:
  • "It's not faith, it's science. It's how it works."- Marcus on how souls come back. 
  • "Rose ruined both of our lives and I'm here to kill her"- Marcus to Jack. 
  • "What goes around, stays right here."- Madison to Marcus when they discuss who will survive.
  • "In the end, there is no end"- Richard to Jack. 

Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). "Intruders" is my new favorite of show of 2014. The only reason I didnt give the episode of "5" is because the pacing seemed a little off at times. I REALLY, REALLY hope there is a season 2. There is much more in this story to explore. What did you think of "Intruders"? Please leave your comments below. 

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Helix Favorite Quotes From Season 1

I miss you "Helix". To tide us over till it returns (and I REALLY DO hope it's coming back) below are my favorite quotes from season 1. Feel free to add yours in the comments section.

And if you case you missing any of my other quote compilations, they're at:  

  • American Horror Story Favorite Quotes From Season 3  Here 
  • Bates Motel Favorite Quotes From Season 2  Here 
  • Bates Motel Favorite Quotes from Season 1  Here
  • Defiance Favorite Quotes From Seasons 1-2  Here
  • Hannibal Favorite Quotes From Season 2  Here
  • House of Cards Favorite Quotes From Season 2  Here
  • House of Cards Best Frank Underwood Quotes  Here
  • Once Upon A Time Favorite Quotes From Season 3  Here
  • Penny Dreadful Favorite Quotes From Season 1  Here
  • Salem Favorite Quotes From Season 1  Here
  • Sleepy Hollow Favorite Quotes From Season 1  Here
"Helix" Favorite Quotes from season 1:

  • "Ilaria is everywhere while you hide in the shadows."- Immortal Alan
  • "Torture is never justified"- Alan regarding doing something bad to Spencer. Come on dude! He just killed an elevator full of people. 
  • "I loved your father very much. I wanted to keep our family together."- Jane to Julia on why she stayed with Hatake. 
  • "Every living thing has a weakness"- Alan
  • "What are you doing"- Julia. "Trusting you with the fate of the world"- Alan. Alan just a hint, I dont think she should be trusted.  
  • "These vectors represent a new step in evolutionary virology. Its created a viral collective."- Alan 
  • "In the last 11 days I have been attacked, infected, left for dead, crated like an animal, not to mention being transformed from the inside out"- Julia
  • "Oh no this is not father daughter bonding time"- Jules to Hatake
  • "I've done things, terrible things in the name of science."- Hatake
  • "But to live forever is to die 10,000 times"- Gunnar
  • "What's coming up is far worse than Sutton. She was just the messenger. Next they (Ilaria) will send an army."- Hatake
  • "Have you ever stared death in the face?"- Sarah Jordan
  • "Don't ever call me an Eskimo."-  Tulok to Miksa 
  • "I am a murderer and a parasite"- Sergio. Ladies, when a man tells ya point blank that he is no good, you really should believe him. 
  • "I see a pathetic shell of a woman that I once loved and admired."- Hatake to Sutton
  • "You always did have a weakness for them"- Sutton to Hake, does that mean "them" as in the children or "them" as in humans?
  • "Its never the same after you start replacing parts"- Sutton referring to the watch she gave Hatake (or is she?) 
  • "Ain't family a bitch"- Constance referring to threatening to kill Peter if Alan doesnt comply. 
  • "We all change? It doesnt mean we lose who we are."- Alan to Jules
  • "This crisis is in its final stages and will soon be under control."- Hatake
  • "I havent had enough sleep, coffee, or cigarettes to deal with any more of this Fox Mulder crap"- Doreen to Sergio.  
  • "This is going to be the most fracked up family reunion ever"- Dr Boyle (referring to the Alan, Peter and Julia). Haaaa, a "Battleship Galactica" reference. That's great. 
The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Gotham Episodes 2 Thru 3 Recaps: Balloonman Is Full Of Hot Air
Some Of The Citizens Of Gotham

With three episodes under our belt, how are you feeling about "Gotham"? I must say, so far I'm really enjoying it. The Penguin and Fish Mooney are my favorites right now.  And here's the basic goings on in "Selina Kyle" And "The Balloonman".
At First I Didnt Like Selena But She's Starting To Grow On Me

Homeless kids are being kidnapped off the streets by two of the Dollmaker's cohorts. And Bullock and Gordon are on the case. The mayor's response to the situation is to send the remaining kids to a juvenile detention center. That makes a lot of sense! They all end up on a bus and are again attacked by the Dollmaker's people. Selina Kyle manages to escape. She is a pretty resourceful girl. She tells Gordon that she knows he visits Bruce and she has some possible intel about the Wayne murders.
Doug & Patty Looking Completely Innocent

My favorite part of this episode was Lili Taylor as Patty. Remember she's Peter's mother on "Hemlock Grove" and the Captain on "Almost Human" (besides her million other roles). She is hilarious.
And More Patty

Next a vigilante is strapping corrupt citizens to balloons. The whole idea is pretty funny but I dont care much about Balloonman. There are plenty of other characters in Gotham to be interested in. And as the old lady on the Geico commercial says "it doesnt work like that". People dont just float away when attached to giant balloons. Anyway Balloonman turns out to be a guy named Lamond. He warns that there will be more vigilante justice because the city is so corrupt. We can only hope!
If Oswald Wants Your Shoes, You Should Give Them To Him

The Penguin is back in Gotham City and devises his plan to seek revenge on Fish. He gets a job in the kitchen of Don Maroni (who is Falcone main rival) and is working his way up the ranks. The Penguin is such a suck up.  

The Major Crimes Unit is catching up to Gordon. They want to know if he killed Cobblepost for Falcone. Gordon refuses to entertain their questions. Montoya visits Barbara and again tells her Jim is bad. She doesnt believe her. Montoya tries to kiss her. Barbara tells her to leave. Yep those two definitely had a past. And whose side is Barbara on? Seems like she's always tipping off the newspaper to something. And were both Barbara and Montoya junkies at one point?
Who Sits Around Their House All Day Smoking Pot In Their Bathrobe?

The writers reference Arkam Asylum as having been closed for 15 years. Looks like we'll find out more about it in the next episode since its entitled "Arkham". 

Random Thoughts:
  • The phone book beat down was great. 
  • The scene between Fish and Falcone was great. Its so much fun to watch two powerhouse actors chew the scene and everyone in it.  
  • The sword fight between Alfred and Bruce was interesting. Alfred still strikes me as a little pervy though. Sorry. 
  • The references to Oswald eating lots of fish are fun-- tuna sandwiches and sardines. 
  • Yep all the cops in Gotham are corrupt (except for Gordon, Allen and Montoya). 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). The show is still catching its bearings but there's enough positive to keep me coming back. 

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

American Horror Story Freak Show: Episode 1 Recap: Dont Call Them Freaks (Season Premiere)
Enjoy The Show!

Was the first episode of "Freak Show" everything you had hoped for? It's a definite "yes" for me. Here's what we know about Ms Elsa and her traveling circus.
The Queen Bee As Always

It's 1952 and they've arrived in Jupiter FL. The circus is in bad financial shape. Ms Elsa has to do some creative bargaining to keep them afloat. She sees an article in the paper about a person discovered with a monstrous condition. She visits the hospital and talks the Tattler sisters into joining the circus.
See This Is Precisely Why I Hate Clowns!

Elsewhere there's a killer clown on the loose. He's killing people and stealing children. He's super freaky. And the locals aren't much friendlier than the clown. They dont want the freaks around and will do whatever it takes to drive them away.
This Guy May Be Freakier Than The Freaks

A rich woman and her son visit the show. They want to buy Dot/Bette. She's not for sell and wants to stay with her "family". They dont take kindly to that answer. I'm sure we'll see more of them later.
Bette & Dot Or Is It Dot & Bette (I'm Not Sure)

The characters we've met thus far include:
  • Elsa Mars- a former German cabaret singer and proprietor of the circus. Elsa recruits new acts for the show and keeps everyone in line.  She is actually just using the circus as a way to try to become famous again (if she ever was famous).
  • The Bearded Lady- Ethel Darling (Kathy Bates). She is very loyal to Elsa because Elsa helped her when she was down on her luck. 
  • Siamese Sisters- Bette and Dot Tattler (Sarah Paulson). I'm having a hard time telling these two apart. One is good, one is bad. One stabbed their mother because she wouldnt let them go to the movies. Then the other one stabbed her. Elsa finds them at the hospital and recruits them. 
  • Lobster Boy- Jimmy Darling  (Evan Peters). Jimmy's mother is Ethel. He apparently has quite the way with ladies. And given Ryan Murphy's penchant for using real stories in his shows, there was indeed a real Lobster Boy. Check him out. It's a very interesting story. 
  • Pepper- (Naomi Grossman). As you'll recall if you watched "American Horror Story: Asylum" Pepper was sent there for killing her infant niece/nephew. We're now seeing what happened to Pepper before she was sent to the mental hospital. This marks the first time Ryan Murphy has used a recurring character in AHS. I'm supper happy because I love Pepper. Pepper for President!
  • Twisty The Killer Clown- the name says it all. He's a freaky clown with a mask that has a big smile. Maybe he secretly wants to join the circus. Someone suggested he might be Elsa's son which would be very interesting.  
  • We know the woman with three breasts (Angela Bassett) and her Muscleman boyfriend/husband will arrive sometime soon. I'll review the other characters next week.
I Missed You Pepper!

This episode had a healthy dose of sex. Elsa asks Bette/Dot some personal questions about their sex life. Did you know that the hospital candy stripper is Grace Glummer (who is Meryl Streep's daughter)? The video of her heroin induced sexcapes were a bit hard to watch. And Lobster Boy's scenes with the housewives of Jupiter were pretty graphic. I'm not sure how some of this stuff gets past the censors. Not that I'm complaining.

The death toll was also impressive for a pilot episode even by Ryan Murphy standards. We have Bette/Dot's mother. The detective who told the circus to get out of town died at the hands of Jimmy (dont call them freaks). Then everyone else beat his dead body to a pulp. Twisty killed at least 2 people. I'm not sure how many more. 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). i'm already enjoying this crazy world (except for the clown). I This show is helping reinforce my prejudice against them. 

The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

The Strain Episode 13 Recap: Going On The Offensive (Season Finale)
Team Abe Is Ready To Fight Back

And thus ends season 1. While this show has some challenges (slow pacing and lack of character development to name two) the good far outweighs the bad in my book. Last week as you recall Team Abe was driven out of the pawn shop. Now they're coming into their own as vampire hunters. Fet and Eph even bury the hatchet and together visit a theater purchased by Bolivar. Yep there are vamps inside (along with the repaired Master's coffin).  

On the other side of town Palmer has nicely recovered thanks to some Master juice. He even has a little color in his cheeks now. He places Miriam's heart next to his collection of failed organs. Dont tell me that guy's not a freak. Palmer is peeved because the Master hasnt made him a full vamp yet. Eichorst tells him to hold his horses. He will be the Master's apprentice for all eternity... at some point. Fitzwilliams decides he's had enough and refused to work for Palmer anymore. It's about time you wised up dude.
I Hope You Die A Horrible, Painful Death Eldritch!

Palmer and Eichorst visit Maggie the Secretary of Health and Human Services (or something like that). She plans to quarantine all of Manhattan. It seems Eph's Emergency Broadcast System message did reach some people after all. Palmer and Maggie go out on the balcony to have a little chat. They hug and then he throws he off the balcony. Ouch! Palmer and Eichorst discuss what to do with Dr Barnes (Eph's CDC boss). Barnes says "crisis, what crisis"? Yep hes has the right idea (and an instant promotion). 

Nora and Eph share a quite moment on the roof. She tells Eph that if he loves Zach, he should keep him close at all times. Remember Nora had to behead her mother last week. Abe and Eph later show Zach how to use a sword.
Anyone Care To Dance?

They all go back to the theater. Fet blows up a few vamps with dynamite on the way in. Next they encounter more interesting vamps. They scamper around on all fours, have glowing eyes and twitch. Bolivar is of course there too. Abe goes upstairs to find the master. Dutch and Fet try to hold them off downstairs. Then Eichorst shows up. Of course he's hard to kill. He tries to tongue Fet but is shot in the face with a silver nail gun. 

It's time for the Master vs Abe smackdown. The Master says "you wanted to find me wood carver"? Abe wastes valuable time waxing poetic instead of beheading him. He says "For all that is holy" I know the Master isnt going to really die but come on! Put up a little bit of a fight. Eph manages to grab the master and drag him outside into the direct sunlight. This causes Eichorst and the other vampires to retreat. That was a cool visual of all of them walking backwards (yes I know they just ran the film in reverse). But the Master is not killed. He seems to be burning a little in the sunlight but scurries down the side of the building. We see his exposed spine the process. Abe says "we've lost".
Gus Meets The Ancients

Meanwhile remember when the Ninja Recon Vamps captured Gus last week? Well now they have a little chat. Gus runs but not too far. He enters a large dark room where there are three upright sleeping vampires. "You are standing before beings of great honor. They are the ancients". Gus says he has to speak for them now. The Master broke an ancient truce and now he must pay. It turns out they need a daywalker to help them. Quinlan says Gus has proven himself capable so he's their man.
Is It Just Me Or Is Quinlan Kinda Cute?

Zach pretends to need his inhaler in order to get them to go back to his house. He really wants the photo album with pics of his mom. And of course Vamp Kelly shows up. Zach yells for Eph not to shoot her but he just shoots her in the arm. She runs off. Eph falls off the wagon and starts drinking again.
This Is How I Look When I'm Asleep Too

Favorite Quotes:

  • "The question is sir, what will you do without me to protect you?"- Fitzwilliams to Palmer after he quits. I hope Fitz joins Team Abe soon. 
  • "Eldritch at the end of the day my loyalty is to the American people and not to you."- Maggie before Palmer throws her off the balcony. 
  • "Fire in the hole vermin"- Fet before he blows up a few vamps with a stick of dynamite. 
  • "You wanted to find me wood carver?"- the Master. 
  • You are standing before beings of great honor. They are the ancients."- Quinlan to Gus. 
  • "Nothing is written that cannot be changed"- Abe. 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). The beginning was a little slow but extra points to the Master's appearance at the end. And extra, extra points for finally getting some intel on Quinlan and the Ancients.

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Witches Of East End Season 2 Episodes 12 Thru 13 Recaps: Death To Witches (Season Finale)
It's Getting Hard To Keep Track Of How Many Times Everyone Has Died On This Show

"Box To The Future" and "For Whom The Spell Tolls" provided a great ending to season 2. Last week Joanna, Wendy and Freya went through the time door and ended up on Baltimore in 1840. Joanna is searching for a magical box that will help them defeat Daddy/Granddaddy Odin. If you didnt see my review of that episode check it out here  Witches Of East End Episode 11 Recap 

Wendy was entrusted with holding the key to the time travel door. And yep she loses it. You Had One Job Wendy! Freya and Wendy frantically look for it. If they dont find it soon they'll die (and in a horrible painful way).
Killian You're Nice To Look At But You're Not The Sharpest Tool In The Shed

Back in the present, Killian drank the poison that would allow he and Freya to be together in the future (but he would die in the present). Ingrid and Dash try to concoct a plan to defeat Odin. Ingrid rushes over to Killian's and gives him lotus root (which will slow down the poison but, sorry dude, youre still a goner).  

Odin goes over to Fair Haven. He and Dash (who he calls Bastian) apparently had a past back in Asgard. He wants Bastian to remain loyal to him and in exchange he will give him great power and riches. Meanwhile Raven (the sex addict/ FBI agent) is still lurking around. Dash, you sure are dumb. When people visit, you need to hide the incriminating evidence.

Odin is not happy that Ingrid was plotting with Dash against him. He tortures her. She wakes up the next morning. He says he went easy on her because of her condition. Hmm, what condition? She is...wait for it...she is pregnant. She thinks back to who the father could be. Is it Dash? Is it the Mandragona (God forbid!). It turns out that the king needs one thing from each Beauchamp lady. He takes Ingrid's powers. One down, three to go. Frederick tries to sneak up on him with a knife but Grandpaps stabs him instead. Freddy, didnt ya know he was harder to kill than that?
Spike You Are Such A Creep!

Back in Old Baltimore, Wendy and Freya wait at the door for Joanna. But Tarkoff has kidnapped and heavily drugged her. That guy is such a sleaze. He later has to go out for more drugs. That's when Wendy spots him and follows him to Joanna. She transforms back from cat form and bashes him in the head with the magical box. Then she shoots him up with the same drugs he used on Joanna. Yeah! Off they run to the time door. But it's hard to keep Tarkoff down. He chases them. He and Joanna struggle over the box. She loses it. Our pours all the demons trapped inside.  

Just then Ingrid shows up at the door and everyone escapes back to West End (except for Tarkoff whose mangy ass is stuck in OldBaltimore). How did Ingrid know what to do you may ask? Wendy and Freya had written a letter to Ingrid and gave it to the guy who had the magical box. He carried it all those years (166 to be exact) until he could present it to Ingrid that night. Pretty cool. 

Everyone is back in East End. The king whisks away Wendy. He is a real jerk of a father. He tells Wendy he prevented her from having children because he knew she wouldnt be a good mother (unlike her sister). He says he always liked Wendy least of all his children. No one badmouths Wendy and gets away with it!
Smackdown In East End

Meanwhile, thanks to Freddie's brainsuck of Dash, Ingrid has all the spells from Archibold's journals. Ingrid knows how they can defeat the king. They must all work together. Ingrid is the key, Freya is the traveler, Joanna is the dagger and Wendy is the bridge. They all concentrate their powers and he's gone. Is it just me or was it way to easy to kill the King? 

Wendy asks to be left alone with Tommy's lifeless body. Uh oh, that's not a good idea. Ingrid then tells Freya about Killian. They rush over to his house but he's dead. Freya kissed him and yep he's alive again. Ingrid gets a call that Dash has been arrested. Remember when we last saw him Raven and company were serving him with a search warrant.
Dash & Killian Or Is Killian & Dash?

And it is at this point that all hell breaks lose. Joanna calls Freddie to tell him they are safe. We see him on the ground lifeless and bleeding. Someone has written "death to witches" in his blood. Who did that? Was it Raven? Next we see Wendy and Tommy's body. She will not let him die in vain and so gives up her last life for him. Ohhhh noooo! Then Killian visits Dash in jail. I think they're going to have a nice heart to heart. But instead Dash grabs Killian and uses his powers to trade places with him? Say what? So now Killian is Dash and Dash is Killian. And to add insult to injury, Dash is off to have sex with Freya (since she believes he is Killian). But as you recall, Dash was previously engaged to Freya so this is not his first rodeo (if ya know what I'm saying). 

And in the final scene, Wendy wakes up in the underworld. There is fire everywhere. Then she hears a voice that says "Good to see you again sister". It's Helena and she is apparently the gatherer of souls. Wow, I wouldnt have predicted that! 

Favorite Quotes:

  • "Let's kill your father together"- Tarkoff to Joanna. 
  • "This ends now."- Joanna. 
  • "You're not Tommy. You're Ingrid's grandfather King Nicholas"- Dash to Odin. 
  • "I took it easy on you because of your condition"- King Odin to Ingrid. 
  • "You will never be as strong as when we stand together."- Joanna to Daddy.
  • "Thank you for making my last life count." Wendy to Tommy.  
  • "Good to see you again sister"- Helena to Wendy. 

Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). A great way to end a super fun season. I REALLY, REALLY hope there's a season 3. I need to know what happens to Aunt Wendy. She is my absolute favorite!

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

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