Gotham Episodes 8 Thru 10 Recaps: Dont Call Me A Valet

Alfred Is Quickly Becoming One Of The Best Parts Of This Show

Episode 8 "The Mask" gives us Gotham City's version of "Fight Club". "The Mask" forces guys dressed as office workers to duel to the death. I'm all for people killing each other with staplers but the baddie (Richard Sionis) is pretty lamo. 

The First Rule Of Fight Club Is...

There is a supposed truce among the mob bosses but Fish and Penguin are still at it. He gives her a necklace as a peace offering. She stabs him with it. I love that woman!  Young Bruce goes back to school but gets beat up. He asks Alfred to teach him how to fight.  
Penguin and Mommy Penguin continue to have an uncomfortable relationship. She tells him of a rival she had in school. The girl had long blond hair and a big bosom (and got all the attention). Mother Cobblepot got her revenge by reporting the girl's father to the secret police. At least Oswald comes by his predisposition naturally. 

Barbara s still freaking out about Zsasz and the other baddies. From what I saw, she really wasnt treated that badly so I'm not sure what her problem is. She leaves Gordon a "Dear John" letter. I've said it before but I really wish Babs was a more fleshed out character. First she wants to stay with Jim. Then Jim puts her on a bus. Then she comes back only to run off this week. That makes no sense. 

Liza wants to quit her secret mission of spying on Falcone. Fish tells her an inspirational story about how Falcone's goons killed her mother and now she wants revenge. The only problem is I think Mom Mooney is the older woman singing on stage. Maybe she doesnt know she's dead.   

Gordo continues his mission to single handedly wipe out corruption in Gotham City (although the cops decide to join in a little later). 

Meet Harvey Dent & His Coin

Episode 9 is aptly entitled "Harvey Dent" because we meet Gotham City's favorite DA. We know from the coin flipping he will become Two Faces. Yes he has some mental issues. 

Genius Bomb Maker

The villain of the week (Ian Hargrove) is a serial bomber. I wasnt very interested in that story line but at least it got Arkham Asylum reopened. He gets kidnapped by the Russians who are working with Mooney to separate Falcone from his money. 

Selina is hiding out at Wayne Manor. I know they want to get the two kids together but wouldnt that be the last place that you'd put the witness to the Wayne murders? Cat and young Bruce bond. She has a glass of milk (meow). I'm still not sure how I feel about her character. 

Dent tells Jim he things Dick Lovecraft might be behind the Wayne's murder. 

Liza Is Royally Screwed

Penguin continues to wheel and deal. He has his sight set on Liza. I fear poor Liza (who is stuck between Falcone, Fish and Penguin) is going to face a bad end. 

After bailing on Jim, we find Barbara in bed with Renee. I didnt see that coming so quickly. Barbara seriously needs an injection of personality. Let's hope she's more lively with Montoya than Gordo (cause she's a limp dishrag otherwise). 

Apparently Rene Sees Something In Babs That We Dont

In the mid season finale (episode 10 "Lovecraft") ninjas lead by female villain "Copperhead" attack Wayne Manor. Dont get me started on why Alfred would fall for that trick considering: 1. They live way off the street and 2. They have a team of security guards outside. Anyway Alfred manages to fight off the assassins. He's such a badass. I'm really liking him. Selina grabs Bruce. They escape through a secret passage. She teaches him how to jump rooftops. They later end up in an abandoned mall where lots of street kids hang out. Poison Ivy is there (and she's a little whacko). Her mother has committed suicide so she's on her own now. I cant wait to see more of her. Some time is spent on Selina's fence Butch (and his relationship to the baddies) but I didnt really care about that. 

Copperhead, Bruce. Bruce, Copperhead.

Meanwhile Falcone is trying to figure out how the Russians knew about his dealings. Penguin suggests that there is a mole (possibly working for Fish). There is a ruckus at the big mob meeting and he kills one of the bosses. Others may start turning on Falcone. 

Alfred Pennyworth: Bad Ass Butler

Alfred, Dent and Gordon work together. They would do well to have Alfred Pennyworth join them on a regular basis. He can both effortlessly sweet talk Fish and shit talk Butch. Harvey thinks Lovecraft sent the assassins. They find Lovecraft but he says the same assassins are after him. He shows Gordo some files. Just then the assassins break in. I do like "Copperhead" but they need to work on her fighting technique. That roundhouse kick was laughable. Jim is knocked unconscious. When he wakes up Lovecraft is dead. When Mayor James finds out, he calls a press conference and blames Jim (reassigning him to Arkham Asylum). Remember Jim was trying to expose the mayor for corruption so payback is a bitch.

I Hope They Have A Good 401K Plan  

Selina sneaks back into Wayne Manor and kisses Bruce. How sweet. 

A Budding Relationship

Favorite Quotes:
  • "When I order some fool killed, I expect him to stay that way."- Fish to Penguin. 
  • "Tell me there really arent any monsters... just lie to me."- Barbara to Jim. 
  • "What do a dead man on a cruise ship and an emu have in common? Correct nothing."- Edward Nygma to a dead guy. 
  • "What would he (Falcone) do if I were to tell him that you're spying on him for Fish Mooney?"- Penguin to Liza. 
  • "Am I the only one in this whole damn town who waits for backup?"- Harvey. 
  • "She was grabbed by the child snatchers and now she's getting attacked by assassins at Wayne freakin' Manor?"- Bullock. Our feeling exactly Harvey. 
  • Harvey: "You're pretty handy for a valet." Alfred: "Butler mate. I'm a butler."

Grade: 3 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). There were promising moments but these three episodes were not my favorites. Remember, with 22 episodes per season, we're going to get a lot of filler. I'm adding bonus points though for the awesomeness of Penguin and Alfred and for using a group of nuns as roadblocks. Too funny! Does the show return in January 2015 or later?  

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Naked And Afraid Season 3 Episodes 9 Thru 11 Recaps: Nicaragua, Botswana And Brazil (Season Finale)

Amanda & Josh In Nicaragua

Finally getting around to adding the last three episodes of season 3 of "Naked & Afraid". See my previous reviews here And yes my episodes may be numbered differently. Some count the recap at the beginning of the season as episode 1. 

In "Nicaragua Nightmare" Joshua and Amanda try to survive in the jungles of Nicaragua. It is home to a large population of cayman, monkeys, venomous snakes and spiders. For survival items Amanda brings a machete and Joshua brings duct tape? Seriously? Couldnt find anything better to bring than duct tape? Say maybe a fire starter? 

Josh beginning 6.1; ending 4.3 (he left on day 5).  
Amanda beginning 5.8; ending 6.3 (survives 16 days alone)

Amanda is from Texas and she hates spiders. I'm with ya sister! Josh is from Roxboro North Carolina. He is a self described redneck and "apex predator". He's using N&A as an opportunity to quit smoking. Really bad idea! No food, no water and no smoking at the same time? Recipe for disaster. I will say the two worked well as a team and had a good banter.   

Josh digs a seep well. They cant boil water since they're not able to start a fire (so they dont have many options). The well continues to supply a good amount of water throughout the 21 days.   

Their shelter collapses in the middle of the night so they have to build a new one. Amanda isnt able to get much sleep because Josh keeps bumping into her. They encounter a group of howler monkeys who try to pee on them and throw nuts. Never underestimate a bunch of territorial monkeys. 

They each go out foraging for food. Josh finds plantains and pineapples. Jackpot!  Josh becomes nauseous. When he starts throwing up blood the medics are called in. Josh starts sleepwalking at night. He is able to eat some pineapple but starts throwing up again. 

Amanda Survives On Her Own In Her Duct Tape Underwear

Josh has to tap out on day 5. I liked the guy but this was not a good time to stop smoking. The challenge is extremely difficult without adding that. Amanda stays alone but she just sits in camp. She doesnt venture out to look for food. We think she'll tap out with three days to go but she hangs in there. Amanda has survived 16 days alone (longer than anyone in the history of N&A). 

Michael & Ashley Considering Their Limited Options

In "Botswana Breakdown" Michael (a banker from Seattle) and Ashley (a bartender from Rhode Island) fight to combat the heat in Botswana. Michael uses his brother (who was accidentally shot when he was 15) for inspiration. Michael brings a machete but did Ashley bring a fire starter? Sorry, I missed that part.  

Botswana is very hot and dry. There are few resources. They also have to contend with elephants, hyenas, hippo and deadly snakes. There are thorns everywhere. They cover themselves with mud to stay cool. 

Michael: beginning 5.9; ending 5.7 (left on day 12)
Ashley: beginning 4.7; ending 3.7 (left on day 3)

They start to build a shelter (but its near a watering hole which is not a good idea). Ashley is feeling sick after just a few hours. They break down and drink contaminated water since there are no other options. There is nothing to purify the water with. 

At night Ashley starts shaking uncontrollably. The medic is called in. Ashley leaves on day 3. Apparently the water did her in. 

Michael continues to survive on plants and grasshoppers. So far, he's not displaying any symptoms from drinking the water. Bugs continue to drive him crazy during the day. Hyenas venture near his camp at night. He pees around his shelter to hopefully keep predators away. 

He makes a snare trap (but doesnt catch anything) and finds an old pot. How convenient. Was that placed there on purpose? He finds two small eggs and eats them (shell and all). Next he eats some termites. They are high in fat and have a lot of protein. 

Michael's kidneys start hurting. He looks for the root of the Devil's Claw plant. It has medical purposes. Eating too much can cause major bad side effects though. Medics are called in since he might have overdosed and is blacking out.   

Michael taps out on day 12. He wants to walk out before he does any major damage to his organs. I cant tell him what to do (and Ive never done this show) but it seems like he quit fairly easily. 

In "Dunes Of Despair" Matt and Honora are in northern Brazil. The area is a big white desert with some lagoons (from rainfall). Matt brought a machete he made himself (he's a blacksmith and survival instructor). Honora (who is a herbalogist and college student) brought a magnifying glass. I dont think that's a good choice but she uses it to try to purify water (by using UV light).

Matt thinks the water is safe enough if it's from the best source. Honora thinks all water should be treated. I'm with her on this one. The sun of course is a major factor and scorches them. Matt builds a shelter and finds jotaba. I had no idea what that was. It's a tree that is also know as "stinking" toe. The pulp is edible and sweet tasting and has a high concentration of starches and protein. It is regularly eaten by indigenous peoples. See more info about it here

Matt: beginning 7.1; ending 7.7 
Honora beginning 7.6 ; ending 7.2 (left on day 16)

Honora unloads on Matt. She says he's fat, stupid, lazy and smells bad. OK then. Tell us how you really feel. Matt takes it all in stride. He says he'll move out of the shelter and they split up the resources. 

A storm blows in and temperature drops. Honora continues to whine and complain. Matt stoically carries on. Eating some cactus each day is keeping him going. Honora spends a massive amount of energy looking for food (and finds little) 

Honora apologizes to Matt for what she said. She admits she was wrong. They bury the hatchet. Matt later finds her passes out. The show's producers take her to the nearest hospital as quickly as possible. She remains unconscious throughout the trip. Things are not looking good. She recovers but doctors advise her not to continue. 

Honora tapped out on day 16. Matt survives alone. He hikes 5 miles to a river and then wades 3 miles downstream to the helicopter pickup spot. Matt and Honora are later reunited. Matt gives Honora her father's magnifying glass. That was sweet of him (especially after everything she said). 

Not For The Faint Of Heart

Final PSR Scores For All "Naked & Afraid" Contestants to date:
Please let me know if I left anyone out (or have their number wrong):

  • EJ 9.1 (on the show twice)
  • Laura Z 9.1 (on the show twice)
  • Billy 8.9
  • Forrest 8.8
  • Allison 8.4
  • Shane 8.4
  • Luke 8.3
  • Dani 8.1
  • Kelly 8.1
  • Manu 8.0
  • Chris 7.9
  • Tom 7.9
  • Russell 7.9
  • Kim 7.8
  • Adam 7.8
  • Justin 7.8
  • Matt 7.7
  • Ky 7.7
  • Vincent 7.6
  • Sabrina 7.5
  • Jaclyn 7.5
  • Cass 7.4
  • Hakim 7.4
  • Lisa 7.4
  • Eva 7.4
  • Jeff 7.3
  • Clint 7.3
  • Honora 7.2 (left on day 16)
  • Jonathan 7.2
  • Lindsey 7.1
  • Shannon 7.1
  • Alana 7.0
  • Samantha 7.0
  • Phaedra 6.9
  • Fernando 6.8
  • Amanda 6.3 (survives alone the longest of any contestant, 16 days)
  • Puma 6.1 (tapped out but Im not sure on what day)
  • Michael 5.7 (left on day 12)
  • Tom 5.4
  • Julie 5.0 (left on day 18)
  • Corinne 4.9 (left on day 13)
  • Carrie 4.8
  • Keith 4.5 (tapped out but I'm not sure on what day)
  • Tyler 4.4 (left after 6 days)
  • Josh 4.3 (left on day 5)
  • AK (Amanda) 4.3 (left after 4 days)
  • Ashley 3.7 (left on day 3)
  • Cassie 3.4 (the lowest score anyone finishing the full 21 days) 
EJ and Laura Z are the only two contestants who have completed the event twice. The second time they stepped in for Tyler and AK who tapped out during the first episode of season 2.  

Note: To be honest I'm not sure exactly how they score these since Honora (who tapped out on day 16) has a higher ending score than a number of people who finished the challenge. Amanda stayed alone for 16 days and Honora is .9 points ahead of her. 

Grade: No grade assigned since this is a reality show

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 7 Recap: The Walkers Are Particularly Ripe This Week

Does The Thump Test Work On Heads As Well As Melons?

In "Crossed" we finally check in on each of our teams. It's about time. That one group per episode format is for the birds (and makes the story progress way too slowly). On an unrelated note, is it just me or were the walkers nastier than usual this week? I'm just glad Smell-O-Vision hasnt been perfected yet. I have the feeling those zombies smelled putrid with a capital "P".

How Many Bad Decisions Can Gabriel Make In One Season?

Team 1: Michonne, Gabriel and Carl are busy boarding up the church. Team Rick has left for Atlanta to rescue Carol and Beth. Baby Judith cries for her father. Reverend Wimpy Pants is acting weirder than usual. He tries to scratch the blood on the floor. You might want to try some water and elbow grease instead.Gabriel pulls up the boards in his office and crawls under the church and outside. Why? Everyone knows he cant defend himself (even though Carol gave him some pointers). He also ends up with a nail in his foot. Ouch. His days seem numbered but he's somehow survived this long. Gabriel (like Eugene) may teach us that being a gutless wonder is a successful survival strategy during the apocalypse. 

Abe Catching Up On His Meditating

Team 2: We check back in with the DC crew. Eugene is still unconscious after his beatdown. Maggie is nice enough to make some shade for him with a ladder and sheet. That's more than I would have done. Ya big, fat liar! Abraham is still sitting in the road and refuses to move. Rosita tries to snap him out of it but that doesnt work. Glenn, Rosita and Tara go off searching for drinkable water. They catch a fish to eat and Tara finds a yo yo. The team is dubbed GREATM (for Glenn, Rosita, Eugene, Abraham, Tara, and Maggie). Doesnt quite roll off the tongue does it? 

Want Some Water Sargeant Ginger?

I'm not the first to say this but do you think Maggie will bite the big one next week? Reasons Why: 1. Didnt Eugene sound like a zombie when he woke up? 2. Maggie saying "Its never going to get any better than this" seemed like foreshadowing to me. 3. Glenn and Rosita shared a "moment" at the watering hole. 4. The acronym "GREATM" seem to have that "M" suspiciously placed at the end. I really hope it's not true but this is "TWD" after all.  

Rick Wants To Put A Cap In Your Ass

Team 3: Rick, Daryl, Tyreese and Sasha make plans to rescue Beth and Carol. Should they go in guns a blazing or try a more planning approach? They end up using Noah as bait and capture two cops. They'll do a prisoner exchange.We get some insights into Grady Memorial (or maybe they're just being fed BS). I dont trust any of em. 

In the most disgusting fight scene in recent memory, Daryl grabs a walker by the eye sockets, rips off his head and bashes Licari with it. Kudos to Daryl for creativity and I'm so glad he didnt get chomped. 

Poor Sasha is still trying to deal with Bob's death. She lets her guard down around the cop (whose name also happens to be Bob). He tricks her into looking out the window to take a shot at some guy (to put him out of his misery). Seriously? All those melty guys look the same. Plus he's not going anywhere. "Bad Bob" then bashes Sasha's head against the glass and runs off. His hands are tied behind his back so hopefully he wont get too far. When Tyreese finds out, will that snap him out of his brain freeze and lay the hammer on Bob?   

All Bobs Are Not The Same

Inside the hospital, Dawn agrees that they should pull the plug on Carol. Then she secretly gives Beth the keys to the drug cabinet. Beth injects something in Carol's IV. Carol wakes up. Beth holds her hand and says she's there for her.  

Favorite Quotes:
  • "It's never going to get any better than this."- Maggie to Abraham. 
  • "Sit down or I'll put you down."- Maggie again to Abe. 
  • "Three's better than one."- Daryl. 

Grade: 3 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). Not a great lot happened as this is a setup for next week's season finale. What do you think will happen? I'm worried someone will die. Norman (ie Daryl) said in an interview it was a very emotional issue. Oh dear. Please, PLEASE dont klll Carol. She's the best!

The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

America Unearthed Season 3 Episodes 1 Thru 3 Recaps: Secrets From The Alamo, Guardians Of Superstition Mountain And The Appalachian Giant

For those of you not familiar with "America Unearthed", it's a "H2" show that follows forensic geologist Scott Wolter as he crisscrossing the country looking for archaeological mysteries to solve. While the show has yet to discover any earth shattering truths, it does introduce some artifacts I've never heard of. My favorites from previous seasons are "The Great Wall Of Texas", "Underwater Pyramids", and "Mystery In Roanoke".  See my reviews of seasons 1 and 2 here  

Disclaimer: Do I think all of Scott's assertions are scientifically valid? No (sorry nothing personal Scott). But I do think its interesting to ask the questions. Both "America Unearthed" and its sister shows "Ancient Aliens" and "America's Book Of Secrets" should be viewed as entertainment and not as hard core investigative journalism. 

The first episodes of season 3 are:

Davy's Last Stand (Or Not)?
"Secrets From The Alamo"- In the Battle of the Alamo in 1836 Davy Crockett and a few brave Texans (189 to be exact) held out as long as possible against 1800 members of the Mexican Army led by General Santa Anna. The battle lasted for 13 days. History tells us that Davy was the last to die. But what if Santa Anna saved Crockett's life instead? 

A family asserts that Davy survived and went to Double Springs, Alabama. They point to a land deed and a newspaper article about him as proof. He is also known to have hunted there previously. They believe his body is buried on their land (but excavators are never able to locate it). In exploring Davy's background Scott reveals that there was bad blood between Crockett and President Andrew Jackson (the guy from the $20 bill) over his treatment of Native Americans. This difference of opinion is what prompted him to leave politics. 

Crockett was apparently also a Freemason. Could that have saved his life? There were Freemasons on the other side of the battle. Later Santa Anna's life was spared by Sam Houston when he supposedly revealed the "Masonic sign of distress" (which is two upstretched hands). The story of Masons saving one another has been reported numerous times throughout history. In my own family, it is told that my great, great, great grandfather's life was spared during the Civil War because he was a Mason. 

Scott visits one of Crockett's descendants in Tennessee. She does not believe the story in Alabama is true. She points out that there were a number of gentleman named "Davy Crockett" in the area at the time. They evaluate some documents from the real Davy Crockett. According to a handwriting expert, the land deed does not match. My money is on this being a different Davy Crockett.  

There's Gold In Them There Hills 

"Guardians Of Superstition Mountain"Is the Lost Dutchman Gold Mine real and, if so, where is it located. A prospector named Jacob Waltz supposedly found it and paid for everything with gold. On his deathbed he revealed the location to his nurse. There are lots of versions of this story. There's also a curse. The Native American Thunder God protects the mine. There have been at least two homicides and a number of other deaths due to the extreme conditions or accidents. 

We learn of a treasure map carved in stone (called the Peralta stones).  Legend says the Peralta family found the mine and then uses these 100 lb stones to reveal it's location but only among themselves. We see replicas and pictures of the stones (but never the actual stones). Carved on the stones are: a heart, a horse, a number (or date) and a figure (perhaps a priest or banker). The figure may be pointing to Weaver's Needle (which is a prominent landmark). 

Scott meets a gentleman who shows him ore that he says is from the Lost Dutchman Mine. Another deciphers what he think the Peralta stones mean. Scott goes to search on private property in the eastern Superstition Mountains (in Arizona). He finds some gold but not the mine. Later they discuss the Mammoth Mine (which may be the actual location of the Dutchman Mine). If so, it was there all along and never "lost". 

The Peralta Stones are finally located at the Superstition Mountain Museum. The curator shows how the map works and it is very interesting. Scott visits Waltz's final resting place. He may have taken the location of the mine into the afterlife with him.  

I've Been To The Devil's Courthouse Many Times And Never Saw Any Giants. I Once Encountered A Bear (But It Wasnt A Giant)

"The Appalachian Giant"Is there any truth to the Cherokee Indian legend of a giant (or giants) roaming the mountains? Scott investigates first the Judaculla Rock (outside of Sylva, NC) and the Red Bird Petroglyphs (in Manchester, KY). Were these petroglyphs created by Native Americans, Europeans, early colonists, ancient aliens or are they hoaxes? Are they maps, astronomical charts or none of the above? 

The Judaculla Rock supposedly references a giant named Tsul Kalu that the Cherokee were afraid of. He would chase them if they entered his hunting grounds. He had seven fingers. The area around where he lived is currently known as Devil's Courthouse (which is a really cool place if you havent been there). Is the Tsul Kalu story similar to Paul Bunyan? There are lots of old giant stories bouncing around. And dont forget about Goliath from the Bible. He was supposedly from a race of giants too. 

Off Scott goes to Manchester KY. He examines the Red Bird stones. He also meets a descendant of Red Bird who takes him to where the rock previously was before falling (it was above a two lane road). Scott next goes to see a giant's head. But after the commercial break (of course) we learn it's not really a giant's head. It's a big rock carved in the shape of a head. How come that guy couldnt see that? Even I know that (and I'm not an archaeologist). 

So what did we learn from all of this? Scott thinks both the Judaculla and Red Bird rocks are Cherokee. And they didnt have contact with Europeans. At least Scott is not pushing the alien theory... not this week anyway. I also learned what Ogham is It's a medieval Irish language that is inscribed on numerous objects in the British Isles.    

Grade: 3 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). Of these three episodes, my favorite was "The Appalachian Giant" probably because it deals with my neck of the woods. On the negative side, I have mentioned this previously but the pace of "America Unearthed" frustrates me. The information spread out over one hour could easily be condensed into 30 minutes (but no one asked me). I dont review "America Unearthed" on a weekly basis but will check back intermittently to see what Scott is up to. 

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Sons Of Anarchy Season 7 Episodes 9 Thru 11 Recaps: The Ugly Truth Is Finally Revealed

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

"Sons Of Anarchy" Recap In 10 Words Or Less: Abel talks, Lin dies, Juice blabs, Jax cries, Gemma flees.  .

Here's where we are with only two episodes left in the series. The finale will be on 12/9/14. "Suits Of Woe" FINALLY reveals the ugly truth. This is the episode we've been waiting for. Last week little Abel started injuring himself (and blaming grandma to his teachers). He also told Jax that Gemma killed Tara.  

Wendy confuses to Jax that she checked out of rehab early and when she got home Juice was there. Gemma was the only other person with a key to the apartment. Unser also knew about Juice. He tells Jax that the person Gemma identified as Tara's killer wasnt even in the state at the time. 

The End Of Lin

Jax wants a sit down with Juice. But Lin's murder is already scheduled for that morning. Lin is chained to a pipe. Juice asks who ratted out the location of SAMCRO's guns. If he gives up the info, Lin will not be harmed. Lin confesses it was Charlie Barosky (not Jury). Then Juice reminds Lin that he (Juice) is a rat so why not a liar. He stabs Lin numerous times in the neck. The deed is done. It's also recorded on his cell phone.   

I Smell An Emmy

Juice tells Jax what he saw the night of Tara's murder. Excellent acting by Charlie Hunnam! He blew it completely out of the water. That scene should be submitted for Emmy consideration. At the end of the conversation, Jax says "Thank you for telling me. I'll make sure it's quick". Juice then calls Gemma and tells her what happened. She hangs up on him and packs her bags. Chuckie has her punch him in the face and throws Happy and Rat Boy off her trail. 

Unser says he's done helping the club. He also has a few choice words for Jax about fatherhood, Tara and his accumulating body count. Jax punches him. Nice! Punching an old man with cancer. 

Gemma calls Nero and says she needs to talk. She's in her parents old neighborhood. He arrives and she expounds on her life. "Everything in my life, pretty much torched. I hated school. I wasnt a very good wife but I was a good mother. I did everything I was supposed to do." Whatever you say Gemma, whatever you say. You are delusional though. There are a LOT of things you could have done differently... but I digress. The conversation sounds very final. Jax calls Nero and tells him what he's learned. Nero asks Gemma if its true. She nods. He says "you should go". He cant bear to even talk to her anymore.  

The cops arrive to arrest Jax for assault. He steals a car and takes off. That was fun. Next Gemma shows up at Abel's school. She gives him John's SON ring so "you'll have it when you join the club". Seriously? After the continual cycle of violence associated with the SOA, she still wants her grandson to join? Unbelievable.  

Jax's World Has Fallen Apart

Jax tells the club everything and takes full responsibility for everything. Later that night he breaks down with Nero. Nero basically says no matter what, a son cant kill his mother. A crying Jax says "After everything she's done, I still love her. She's my mom." 

Final Ride?

Gemma drives into the night singing a church hymn. It's "Blessed Assurance". At first I thought she might commit suicide but let's face it, she is too selfish for that. Her being isolated from her family might be a worse punishment than death or prison.  

In Other Club News:
  • Last week Moses killed Bobby in front of Jax and company. Elvis has left the building. RIP Bobby. 
  • Chibs and Lady Sheriff Althea are still an item (whatever that means). 
  • Tigg and Venus have sex and vow to give their relationship a chance. That was touching. But what will the other guys think? It's not exactly like they're a liberal bunch. 
  • Juice is now Tully's (Marilyn Manson's) "bottom". Ouch! This is at least good for a few prison bitch jokes. And is Tully a Casanova or what-- with giving Juice KY jelly and cocaine.  
  • Speaking of such things, the opening montage of "Faith And Despondency" featured lots of naked butts. I'm in support of more butts on TV so go for it FX. 

It's Too Late For All Of Us

Favorite Quotes:
  • Is Wendy my first mommy because I came out of her tummy? Is that why Grandma killed my other mommy?"- Abel to Jax. 
  • "The way she (Gemma) killed her (Tara) was so brutal. It felt gangland."- Juice to Jax.
  • "Maybe I should go in my trailer and stand in the kitchen and wait for someone to put a fork in my head."- Unser to Jax. Well he does have a point. One of the best lines ever!
  • "Gemma knows every truth behind every lie inside every secret. She is the gatekeeper... I'm all done. It's too late. For all of us."- Juice to Althea and Unser. 
  • "Everything in my life pretty much torched. I hated school. I wasnt a very good wife but I was a good mother. I did everything I was supposed to do."- Gemma to Nero. Still delusional I see. 
  • "After everything she's done, I still love her. She's my mom."- a crying Jax to Nero.  

Grade: 5 Monsters (out of 5) for episode 11. The other two episodes, not so much. I'll give it a 4 1/2 overall. After watching weeks of miscellaneous filler scenes "Suits Of Woe" is perfection. This is "SOA" at it's best. Let's hope the last two episodes keep up this momentum. 

The World According To GMonster
TV:  Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality

Constantine Episodes 4 Thru 5 Recaps: Hungry Demons And Unruly Spirits

Feed Me Or Else!!!!

"A Fest Of Friends" Recap In 10 Words Or Less: US customs, broken bottle, hungry demon, Gary redeemed but dead.

"Danse Vaudou" Recap In 10 Words Or Less: Deadly deceased, Papa Midnite, mysterious Zed, Chas unbreakable, Spectre, pretty. 

In "A Feast Of Friends" we meet Constantine's old friend Gary Lester. They have a past together back in Newcastle. Gary is plagued with remorse at not being able to save Astra (due to his heroin addiction and general wimpyness ). Gary goes to Sudan and encounters a boy possesses by a demon. This is Gary's chance to redeem himself. We see in flashbacks that  Mnemoth (a really hungry demon) was placed in the boy by a shaman because it was starving the villagers to death. 

You're Not Looking So Good Gary

When Gary releases the demon a swarm of beetles (or whatever big ass bug) fly out of the boy and are trapped in a bottle. Gary brings the bottle back through US customs but it is flagged. The customs agent opens the bottle. Yeah dont do that... oops too late. 

Where Is My Can Of Raid?

The demon inhabits the agent who then runs through the airport shoving people and eating everything in sight. I especially enjoyed when he took the little girl's ice cream cone. Too funny. Later the demon heads over to a grocery store and wrecks havoc. Constantine arrives and finds him/her/it in the back meat locker. Extra points for the crabwalker. 

There Goes Our Work Safety Record. Thanks Demon!

Meanwhile Zed and Gary have a brain meld. She wants John to be more sympathetic towards his friend. When Constantine returns home, they are acting strangely. He thinks the two have had "relations". Constantine goes to a shaman friend (Nommo) to find a way to get rid of the demon They will use Gary as the vessel. The only problem is getting rid of the demon will also kill Gary. The ceremony is performed, tears are shed and Manny the Angel comes to pick up his newest arrival. Gary has redeemed himself and the hungry demon is now on a permanent diet.
Scissor Sister: Do you think I'm pretty? Chas: Quick! What rhymes with orange?

In "Danse Vaudou" the team is off to New Orleans. They meet Jim Corrigan. He saw a woman wearing a surgical mask scissor another woman (and not in a good way). She says "do you think I'm pretty" before stabbing her. Jim shot the woman several times but it had no effect.

Zed sees images of a woman teaching a child to shoot. When she meets Jim she says "Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast. And squeeze." It was Jim in her vision. Next she sees a dead hitchhiker named Phillip who is killing motorists. Later there's another guy who died of cancer chillaxing at home. There are at least three spirits currently knocking off the residents of New Orleans.   

Bonfire Constantine Style

It turns out Papa Midnite is involved. The spirits he contacted during seances are getting out of control. He and Constantine grudgingly work together to get the three bodies and burn them (to send them back to their resting place). Well that didnt work. Next they amass the loved ones of the three. They must forgive themselves for what happened. And that does it. Case closed.    

But what caused this problem in the first place? Constantine says its the "Darkness Rising". Papa uses his deceased sister Cedella's head to try to get some answers. Cedella says the darkness will be ushered in by someone close to Constantine who will betray him. 

Let Me Ask My Sister What She Thinks

Are we talking about Zed? She's busy being all mysterious. Jimmy seems to know her. He says "When did you change your name" and "You were reported missing by your family". He kisses her hand. She sees a vision of him all dead in a green misty glow. Will he become the Spectre? 

Stop Calling Me Jimmy!

The scissor lady kills Chas. We know from previous experience that he doesnt stay dead long. While the paramedics are working on him, he hopes up and asks for a clean shirt. I'm very interested to see his back story. He also provides some much needed comic relief. When the masked woman appears a third time, he keeps her at bay by continually asking her questions. Too funny. 

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). These two episodes seem stronger than their predecessors. I'm hoping "Constantine" is hitting it's stride. I especially enjoyed "Feast Of Friends" and the hungry demon. I often feel just like him. Feed Me!!!! On an unrelated note, is it just me or does Zed's accent come and go? It seems very thick at times but then not so much. I do like Zed but it's distracting.  

The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality 

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