Why I Hate Reality TV (And You Should Too)



Reality TV appears to be here to stay with more and more shows airing daily. One reason is that they're so much cheaper to make than scripted shows. Another is there's apparently a large number of people who really like to watch them (go figure). At the risk of sounding like a curmudgeon, I just don't like reality TV and here's a few reasons why:

1. I watch TV to escape reality, not to see reality. If I want to watch reality, I can look out my window... let's see what's happening out there. Someone is mowing his lawn. Someone is walking his dog. Someone is riding a bike. I hope the crazy drivers don't run her over. Oh, here comes the postman (err postal worker). How exciting!

2. Realty TV encourages outrageous behavior. The crazier your behavior, the longer you get to stay on the show. That's why people watch. Otherwise you'd have what I see when I look out my window. 

3. Reality TV is not "reality". It's "scripted" television. So stop calling it reality TV. The minute you put a camera in someone's face, they act differently. As I mentioned earlier, reality is boring most of the time. And I'd like to keep it that way.

4. Types of reality shows:

• Groups Hanging Out Together For Some Unknown Reason Shows- Housewives, Jersey Shore, Mob Wives, The Real World, The Real L Word, Bad Girls Club, Buckwild, Lizard Lick Towing, Married To Medicine, Welcome To Myrtle Manor, Growing Up Gotti, Basketball Wives, Gallery Girls
• Let's Follow A Celebrity/Celebrities Around For A While Shows- Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the ill fated Bobby and Whitney, Being Bobby Brown, The Osbornes, the ill fated Anna Nicole Show, Newlyweds Nick and Jessica, The Simple Life, Britney and Kevin, Hogan Knows Best, Girls Next Door, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, Kimora Life In The Fab Lane, Joan and Melissa, Braxton Family Values, Fantasia For Real, Tommy Lee Goes To College, Married To Jonas
• Look At My Talented Or Misbehaving Child /Children Shows (includes the I Have Way Too Many Kids subcategory)- Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Dance Moms, Toddlers & Tiaras, Jon and Kate Plus 8 (and then minus Jon), Nanny 911, Teen Mom, Supernanny, 19 Kids and Counting, 16 And Pregnant
• My Ethnic Group/ Religion Needs It's Own Show Shows- My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding, Shahs of Sunset, Amish In The City, The Colony, Sister Wives, Amish Mafia, Gypsy Sisters, Preacher's Daughters
• I Have A Disorder And Would Like To Share It With The World Shows- Hoarders, Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew, Intervention, Hoarding Buried Alive, LA Shrinks, My Strange Addiction, Couples Therapy
• Let's Hook Up Shows (includes the Dating A Celebrity subcategory)- Bachelor, Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, Who Wants To Marry A Multi Millionaire, Who Wants To Marry My Dad,  Date My Mom, Flavor of Love with Flavo Flav, Rock of Love with Bret Michaels, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, The Littlest Groom, Temptation Island, Cheaters
• I Want To Win A Contest Shows- Survivor, Apprentice, Amazing Race, The Voice, American Idol, Dancing With The Stars
• NOTE: I have NOT included the cooking, fashion, home makeover, floral design, weight loss  shows under reality TV since I think they're in a different category. 



5. Suggestions for improving reality TV. A few tweaks to these shows would make even I want to watch them:

• Survivor- Well the title is "Survivor" so lets see if they can really survive. Take next season's batch of pretty, skinny, straight teethed contestants and put them on one team. Take a group of inner city bus riders and put them on the other team.  Give each team a video camera. Hide one gun (with bullets) somewhere on the island. Don't leave them any food. Come back in a month and see who's left. If members of both teams are still alive, review the video footage to see who should get the cash prize (plus you know we all really want to see what happened).
• Combine Sports and Reality TV- I'm about to say something that may offend you, so brace yourself. I think baseball is boring. There I've said it. Only two guys are doing anything at any given time. Everyone else is just standing around. Here's a few suggestions to jazz it up:
• 1. Costume changes- I'd like to see at least three costume changes per game. Points will be added at the end of the game for best costumes. Bonus points will be awarded if the teams sew their own outfits;
• 2. Audience participation- we should be able to vote on who we'd like to see play. This will add a whole new layer to the game. You'll have teenage girls skewing the results by calling/texting a thousand times each;
• 3. Talent component- there should be a talent component to each game and at least one musical number in which all team members participate. This way we'll really get to know all the players;
• 4. Goodbye- At the end of each game the losers must vote off a player for the rest of the season.   
• Reinstate Gladiator Battles- This seems to be where we're heading anyway so why not just go whole hog now? This will give members of our prison population a chance to redeem themselves. They can play for prizes (cigarettes, alcohol, etc), conjugal visits, or an appearance on the show of their choice. I'd like to see the winner on one of the Housewives shows. And for the losers (well... we wont mention that part). 
• Suggestions For Other Franchises-
• Housewives of Chernobyl- No need to worry about botox if the radiation is making your face fall off. And at least there would be some medical reason as to why they look so freakish.
• Adopt ME!!! Orphans compete in contests to see who can go home with that week's parents.
• Celebrity Shark Petting- This is self explanatory. Let's add a component where someone from the lowest rated reality show each week has to go on "Celebrity Shark Petting". That way we'll have lots of crossover between the different shows. Let's also pull the gamblers in by taking bets on who will survive the season or what digits they'll lose in the process.   
• Opps I Lost A Kid- Randomly remove a child from shows such as Kate Plus 8, Octomom, or 19 Kids and Counting and see if anyone notices.
• Celebrities vs Headhunters- Celebrities compete with Fiji Island Headhunters for prizes. Lets see if we can get the Kardashians on here.
• Other Survivor suggestions-
• Survivor Antarctica- same as my Survivor suggestions above but add cold weather and polar bears. 
• Survivor on the High Seas- same as other setup but put them all on a boat in the South Pacific.   
• Survivor in Compton- now that really is "reality TV".



The World According To GMonsterTV:
Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality 

9:01 PM