I don't know about you but episode 6 "Origins of Monstrosity" was for me one of the most cringe inducing episodes of this season... only to be topped by last weeks nipple lamp. I wonder if those are in Ikea's winter catalog?
This week Sister Mary Satan finds a new friend. As one reviewer pointed out, little girls with dark hair and braids should never be trusted. This munchkin reminded me of Lilly from Case 39 or that girl (errr cleverly disguised woman) from Orphan. Anyway said child is busy offing people. Sister Mary Satan tells her she knows she did it because "I'm the devil and I know everything". She tells the pint sized Beelzebub to do what comes naturally so she then offs her mother, brother and sister. Jenny and Mary Satan should have a spin off show-- Serial Killer Antique Road Show. We will give you $150 for the antique sword that inexplicable ended up lodged in your chest. Now that's good television viewing.
Meanwhile poor Shelly (who somehow survived this long) ends up in the hospital only to be strangled with some rosary beads by Father What's His Name. Poor Shelly. I hope she's not really dead and comes back and eats him. Time for a Father flashback-- Apparently he's been in cahoots with Nazi Arden since the hospital switched from a TB hospital to a mental asylum. Arden has been working on creating an "immune booster" so they could survive a nuclear attack. Why not just turn them into cockroaches? That seems much easier.
Back in the present, 911 call from possible BF, three fake BFs hanging from the ceiling but I didn't kill that guy from The Voice...blah blah blah... nobody cares. Moving on.
Sister Jude has Arden's fingerprints on a glass. She takes it to the Nazi hunter but he has been stabbed in the neck by Mary Satan. Arden asks Mary Satan what she wants for helping him... Nothing much JUST YOUR SOUL! Luckily he doesn't have one so its a freebie.
And now for the good stuff. I want to be in the foster system BloodyFace was in. That was quite an upbringing. Apparently ham sandwiches are called Coquette Monsieurs in your finer orphanages. Was this a culinary orphanage? Cause that man knows his way around some nutmeg. Poor Lana is busy trying to stay alive. BF says he was damaged by not having a mothers touch blah, blah so I have to rip women's skin off and wear it. Yeah that makes perfect sense... Not. Anyway this episode could have launched another one of the great horror catch phrases like "red rum" or "here's Johnny" or "mister your dogs hurt real bad". Instead we get "Baby need colostrum". Even after a year of college anatomy and physiology classes, I had to look up colostrum. Damn you Ryan Murphy for making me learn a new vocabulary word!
I don't know what Sarah Paulson gets paid to do this show but its not enough. Now there's someone who seriously could use a hug from her mother and a ham sandwich.
Ham and cheese on rye, hold the pickle
ReplyDelete