Once Upon A Time Episode 16 Recap: Greenie Needs A Hug (With A Fist)

This week's episode entitled "It's Not Easy Being Green" revels Zelena's back story. But first, Neal is STILL dead. Everyone attends the funeral but secretly no one cares. Why? This is the second time he's died. The mourners head over to Granny's. Tinkerbell notices Robin's lion tattoo and tries to give Regina a clue. Regina pretends to be disinterested but she knows the score. Zelena shows up and waves Rumple's dagger around at everyone. She says to Regina "Meet me on Main Street Sis and dont forget to wear something stunning". (OK perhaps that was me paraphrasing). The WitchOff will be at sundown.

While we're waiting for the fight to begin we learn of Zelena's past. Zelena couldnt give Cora what she wanted most (to marry into royalty). So Cora abandoned Zelena in the woods (or maybe a cyclone dropped her off). Who the hell knows on this show? Zelena was adopted by a nice Oz couple. The father was afraid of her powers though (since she was not very good at controlling them). She goes to see The Wizard Of Oz who sends her to FTL with the aid of some special slippers. There she learns the secrets of magic from Rumple. But magic always comes with a price dearie. She must give up what he loves most (which is her relationship with Rumple).

Cora chose Regina over Zelena. Rumple chose Regina over Zelena. Now she's green with envy and will make Regina pay. If Regina doesnt show, Zelena will start killing people by using her RumpleWeapon. Regina gets closer to Robin Hood. She asks him to guard her heart. Ahhhh how romantic. And it turns out the Wizard of Oz is really just the Walsh of Oz. He's an actor form Kansas. Zelena is none too happy so turns him into the world's first flying monkey.

Fight time in Storeybrooke finally arrives. There's a few smackdowns and Regina gets thrown through the clock tower. I hope they have good insurance. Zelena goes for Regina's heart (which I always find to be very sexual) but SURPRISE! It is gone. Remember Boy Toy Robin has it in his pocket (and is probably fondling it).

What exactly is Zelena up to? She has David's courage and she tries unsuccessfully to get Regina's heart. We know she is going to create a curse so that Regina never existed but there must be something more. Or maybe there's not. HOW MANY CURSES CAN THIS SHOW HAVE?

Zelena is thwarted for now and exits on her broom . I say drive a Dyson vacuum cleaner instead (they're much faster). But don't worry, she'll be back (provided she doesnt get lots of good therapy in the meantime).

Favorite Quotes:

“Our mother taught me one thing. Never bring your heart to a witch fight. Something you’d know if she hadn’t abandoned you.”- Regina to Zelena (ouch, that hurt).
"You did step on a lot of toes back then"- Tinkerbell. "We'll none of them were green"- Regina.
"What did I ever do to you?"- Regina. "You were born!"- Zelena
"What you seek doesnt exist"- the Walsh Of Oz
"When I'm done Regina you will never even have been born"- Zelena

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). Extra bonus points for both Regina and Zelena looking fabulous in their fight outfits. If you're going to die, at least you'll look good. Also what was that blue scarf Regina was wearing? It looked like a muppet.