Hemlock Grove Season 3 Episodes 4-10 Reviews: Seriously Bat Sh%t Crazy (Series Finale)

Over three seasons Netflix's "Hemlock Grove" follows the supernatural residents of Hemlock Grove, Pennsylvania which include: vampires (upirs), werewolves (vargulfs), Jarmungandrs (don't ask) and a Frankenstein monster (a teenage girl in a mutilated giant's body). I at times wonder what I'm watching or if someone slipped a little LSD into my diet Coke. Yes, it's that bizarre.

"Hemlock Grove" goes where no others have gone before. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes it's not so good. You can't say they're not creative. The actors give it their all and aren't bad. Bill Skarsgard as Roman and Landon Liboiron as Peter are standouts. Joel de la Fuente as Dr Johann Pryce is compelling. He's also currently on "The Man In The High Castle". I wanted to see much more of Destiny (Tilo Horn) . Too bad the actors didnt have better material to work with.

There are some great gory moments. Eli Roth (of "Hostel" and "Cabin Fever" fame) is the executive producer after all. See exploding preggo guy as one such example.

There are also some truly funny moments. Here's a few:

Olivia making fun of Johann pontificating is always good for a laugh.
Olivia fighting with herself while her personality was in two different people while her imaginary friend Chango/Issac joins in was great.
Those Spivak babies seriously look like tiny stingrays. If you dont believe me check out the picture below. Am I right or am I right?

And now for my long list of criticisms. Was the budget blown before they added the CGI? Cause it is atrocious. It really takes away from the story. If you're going to have a giant flying reptoid, ya really gotta sell it.

The story is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Plots emerge and then disappear for no apparent reason. See the Order of the Dragon from season 2 as one such example. See the infected upirs from season 3 as another. Did they write the show as they went along? There is little to no cohesion. A big deal initially was made about the Ouroboros Project only for it to fizzle out later.

There is also a revolving door of characters who have little to nothing to do with the story. See the Chasseurs, Peter's mom Lynda, and Ms Padilla as examples. The dialogue is so bad at times that it's laugh out loud funny. Olivia's accent comes and goes. Just pick one and stick with it darling.

One of my chief complaints about "Hemlock Grove" is that the story climaxes are either in the wrong places or nonexistent. Examples include:

Destiny- was quickly killed by Roman after she confronted him about Andreas. There was no buildup whatsoever. Destiny deserved better.
Miranda- lots of time was spent with her in season 2 only to find her dead and rotting in Spivak's cabin. Well that was uneventful. The actress must have had other shows to do.
Annie- killed herself in a blaze of glory after telling Olivia she prayed for her to be everything she currently wasn't. I'm still not sure what the point of Annie being in town was. She was a very strange girl.
Dr Spivak- after being the "big bad" in season 2 he was easily dispatched and stomped into the ground. WAY TOO EASY. He didnt live all those centuries by being so stupid.
Dr Pryce- there wasnt much buildup to his death either-- except that we learned his consciousness was uploaded into someone else (at least partially) before that.

In the end, only two deaths were dealt with appropriately.

Olivia- after Annie toasted herself, Olivia imagines she's a wildly successful actress on the London stage. In reality, she's dying in the floor, cradling a charred Annie in her arms. She eats her flesh (just as Johann predicted).

Roman- Roman is killed by his best bro (and, according to some, soul mate). Peter gets an assist by Destiny's ghost and they tumble out a window. Peter pulls out Roman's heart. Roman is dead and Peter is stuck in wolf form for the rest of his life

And for those paying attention, here's the other significant happening during the rest of these episodes:

Annie and Roman have sexy times in a blood bank. Then they find out they're brother and sister. Ooops. What is it with this show and incest? As you will recall, baby Nadia is the offspring of Roman and his half sister Leatha. Yuck!
Olivia bonds with her firstborn Nadia over all the boyfriends/husbands they've had. Good times. Didnt Olivia kill all of her other offspring over the centuries? Looks like she missed one.
Dr Pryce goes cray cray. They lock him in a room to detox. We learn some of his back story (which explains a lot). He has sexy times and is trying to meet a nice guy to settle down with.
Johann tells Olivia that Dr Spivak infected her with some parasitic organism that was meant to wipe out vampires. It was disguised as a flu shot. She doesnt have long to live. Uh, she's hasnt had long to live for some reason since season 1.
Andreas is up to no good. Peter turns him over to the Croatian mob and he's killed. Destiny understandable goes off the rails.
Shelly spends a lot of time around weirdo compulsive talker Aitor. That character really didnt work for me. I wanted to strangle him myself.
Olivia has sexy times with PI Issac Ochoa... but wait. That's not what happened at all. She hallucinates the whole thing. He was hanging in her closet the whole time. She drags him to the dumpster and throws him in. Goodbye Issac, hello Chango. That was a funny scene.
Olivia needs a body for her consciousness to be uploaded into. Remember Johann has tried this several times before with limited success. She eyes each of her children as possible hosts. That woman is the least maternal person on the planet. I cant even keep track of how many times she's tried to kill her kids.
We learn that Dr Spivak needed Nadia to use her eggs to fertilize his sperm so all those little Spivak babies could be born. His parasites will then wipe out all the upirs so the babies will be free to feed on humans without competition. OK then. That seems like a lot of work.
In the finale scene, Shelley, baby Nadia, and Aitor drive away from Hemlock Grove heading for Montana. Shelley sees a white wolf on the side of the road. It's Peter. And as they drive over a pond a little Spivak baby flies out of the water like a flying fish. Poor Shelley and Aitor are in for a surprise when they find out Nadia is the Antichrist (or whatever she is).

Favorite Quotes:

"You mean that our missing baby with telekinetic powers was taken by a flying reptile with a thirty foot wingspan who had been masquerading around town as the family doctor?"- Roman to Peter.
"Why are you watching rat porn?"- Olivia to Johann.
"Maybe next time you'll listen to Chango. There's a reason I'm revered as a demigod."- Chango to Olivia.
"I may look like one but you've always been the real monster."- Shelley to her mother.
"Thank you all...bip, bip, bip"- Olivia before she dies.

Grade: 3 Monster (out of 5). I've always given "Hemlock Grove" points for creativity and goriness. Unfortunately it's still not enough to overcome this hot mess. It's a shame since the show had lots of potential. If only a giant winged reptoid could have whisked me away before watching season 3.