American Horror Story Season 6 Episodes 2-7 Reviews: Still Seriously Underwhelmed

I complained after the "Roanoke" premiere that season 6 appeared a run of the mill ghost story. A clueless couple (Matt and Shelby) accidentally purchases a haunted house. If its dirt cheap people, something is wrong with it! The house and land are haunted by ghosts from the lost Roanoke colony. They are led by a woman known as "the Butcher". Her name says it all. The colonists capture Lee's daughter Flora (and kill Lee's ex husband). Or maybe Lee killed him. We're not sure yet. On the blood moon the ghosts can pass into the physical realm and kill people. Hmmm, how many other shows have we seen that involve the blood moon? I can think of "Salem", "Sleepy Hollow" and "Witches Of East End" to name a few.

The story continued along the same vein until the "big reveal" in episode six. And it is... wait for it... the big reveal is that Lee, Matt and Shelby as well as all the actors will go back to the house. "Return To Roanoke: Three Days In Hell" will be a ratings bonanza for the network.

We see behind the scenes segments with Audrey (who played Shelby), Dominic (who played Matt), Monet (who played Lee), and Agnes (who played Tomasyn). Everyone and everything will be filmed. Think of it as "Big Brother: Horror Edition". Since no one trusts Sidney (the producer), they also record the events on their phones (and Dominic has a neckcam). That way the network cant portray them in an unfavorable light during editing.

IRL (at least within the story) Audrey has a British accent. She is engaged to Rory (who played Edward Mott). Agnes had a breakdown after portraying the Butcher. Sidney corners her on camera. The network has a retraining order against her. She must stay away from the set. We of course know it will have the opposite effect. Shelby had a drunken weekend fling with TV hubby Dominic. Monet is an alcoholic. Dominic is a fame whore. Sidney plans to forcing Lee into confessing that she's a killer. I'm sure there are lots more secrets with this bunch.

It doesnt take long for the death toll to increase The Murder Nurses Miranda and Rebecca off Rory so they can complete the word "murder". Why would any person whose name starts with "R" stay in the house? Rory's not too smart.

Agnes goes completely bonkers. She offs Sidney and the rest of the production team. She then sneaks up on Shelby and slices her shoulder. I though Shelby was a goner for a second. Next Matt succumbs to another sleep walking romp. Shelby finds him in the basement with Scathatch (the real one, not the actor). Shelby has had enough and beats Matt to death with a crowbar. Maybe he shouldnt have told her that he only came back to hook up with the witch. Lesson learned.

Meanwhile the Polk family shows up. They're cannibals ya know. They cut off Lee's leg and feed it to Audrey and Monet. Definitely disgusting stuff. Luckily for us, inbred sonny is a budding videographer. He has conveniently planted cameras all over the house so we dont miss a second of the cannibal extravaganza.

Back at the house, the real Tomasyn arrives. Agnes tries to pay her allegiance but Tomasyn is having none of it. She cleaves Agnes right in the middle of the head. And end episode.

Grade: 3 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). Due to all the hype, I had high hopes for "Roanoke". Unfortunately I'm still seriously underwhelmed. Even with the surprise twist in episode 6 it's not holding my attention. Yes, I understand what Ryan Murphy is saying about reality TV and horror tropes. No, it doesnt make "Roanoke" any more interesting to me. With only two episodes left of this story (since episode 10 is a standalone) can "Roanoke" redeem itself? I dont think so. The only thing that might be mildly interesting is trying to figure out who will be left alive. We know in the end only one person survives. My money is on Lee. She was the only one smart enough to bring a gun to a haunted house.