The first scene opens with Gloria in therapy. Apparently in the 1950s one could chain smoke during sessions. Gloria discusses Dandy. Even as a young child he was offing pets and the hired help's children. Dandy, if I were your Mommy, I'd smother you in your sleep. Nothing personal. Dr Feinbloom wants Gloria to bring Dandy in for analysis.
Elsewhere the freaks are looking for Ma Petite. All they find are her clothes. They think she was eaten by an animal. Elsa is very distraught. I guess she did love Ma after all. Ethel (who has had a few nips) thinks otherwise. She believes Elsa is behind Ma, the twins, Paul (well we all saw Elsa stab him) and God knows what else. There is a long scene between the two. It's the clash of the titans. Someone is not getting out of that tent alive. Ethel pulls a gun and shoots Elsa through her wooden leg. Too funny.
Flashback to when Elsa was taken to the doctor after her legs were chopped off. Its Danny Huston (Angelica's brother). You may know him better as "Axe Man" from "AHS Coven". He makes prosthetic legs for Elsa out of wood. I wonder if he does work for Pinocchio too.
Man This Itchy Beard Is Making Me Cranky
But back to the show. No amount of talking is going to keep Ethel from her mission. Elsa suggests "one last schnapps for the road". Elsa sees her throwing knife on the table and boom right in Ethel's eye. I take back what I said previously about Elsa's lack of skill. She apparently can hit whatever she wants.
The next morning Maggie says she was picking flowers for Ma's grave when she found Ethel in a car. Apparently she shot herself and then hit a tree. Stanley and Elsa try to explain how Ethel was able to kill herself. We see a flashback that involves them, a chain and a car. Poor Kathy Bates is decapitated again? That poor woman cant keep her head on this show.
Lies! My Mother Hates Squash!
Patti LaBelle's daughter Regina in back. This time Gloria says Dora is out buying squash. Too funny! Hopefully Regina will be a lot harder to kill than Dora was. Where's the Minotaur guy from "AHS Coven" when ya need him?
They quickly hold the funeral for Ethel. Desire says she's had enough of women being victimized. She's not going to take it anymore. She rounds up the other women-- Amazon Eve, Suzy and Penny (Lizard Girl). Remember Penny's face was tattooed and tongue forked by her father because she loved Paul. Speaking of Paul, he has made a miraculous recovery.
Dandy goes to see the therapist. Did you notice we never see Dr Feinbloom's face? Do we know him? In the inkblots, Dandy sees men with their arms ripped off and other fun stuff. Nope, nothing strangeabout this guy. If I was Dr Feinbloom, I would have run screaming from the office.
Elsa Cannot Be Trusted!
What is Elsa up to now? She visits a woman at a weight loss facility. Her real name is Barbara. Elsa gives her the stage name of "Ima Wiggles". She will be the "Fat Lady". No, I dont like that phrase either... but that's what they called em.
Next the girls seek revenge on Penny's father. Ya cant say the jerk doesnt deserve it. They tar and feather him. Maggie hears his screams and convinces the others not to kill him. Penny threatens him with death. Then they take him to the edge of camp and drop him off. I personally think they should have finished him off.
Maybe I Should Have Married My Brother The Mortician Instead
We find out Gloria and Dandy's father were second cousins. Dora apparently told him (when he was five). She also told Dandy what his father had done to some little girls. I would like to take a moment to point out that its not illegal to marry one's second cousin. Gloria wants to run off to Europe but Dandy refuses. He says he'll go to the therapist if she kills Regina. Gloria goes for her purse to get a revolver. But of course Dandy already has it. He threatens to shoot himself. Gloria says she cant live without him. He says OK and shoots her right in the forehead. Sweet Jesus! How many people are going to die on this show tonight? Dandy bathes in his mommy's blood. The sicko!!!
Jimmy and Maggie get in their weekly fight. He gets drunk and seeks comfort with Barbara. I know Evan and Emma are a couple in real life but I dont care for their partnership here. Boring.
Favorite Quotes:
- "Christmas is canceled!"- Elsa upon learning of Ma Petite's death.
- "Come suckle at Elsa's bosom. Come one, come all...Just give me top billing."- Ethel to Elsa.
- "I will no longer suffer your insults and your insanity. Apparently I have lost two old friends tonite."- Elsa to Ethel (referring to her and Ma Petite).
- "Honey you're family. We take care of our own"- the girls then plot to kill Penny's father.
- "This pot pie is heaven"- Barbara (ie Ima Wiggles).
- "What if I told you there was a place where every glorious pound of that giggle will be celebrated."- Elsa to Barbara.
- "I am the astonishing Lizard Girl."- Penny.
- "Do you need to eat their flesh or can you take their power by bathing in their blood?"- Dandy talking about a cannibal tribe (or is he)?
- "I put them (Dot/Bette) on a bus to Tampa-- although to me death would be preferable to Tampa."- Elsa. That made me chuckle.
- Gloria: "I cant go on if you kill yourself!" Dandy: "OK then." and with that he shoots her in the head.
- "You're no better than the Roosevelts."- Dandy to his mom when he finds out his father was her second cousin. The Roosevelts were fifth cousins... maybe... something like that.
Pepper Power!
Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5). Lots of shocking deaths during "Blood Bath". Please oh please dont kill Bette/Dot. And I would be worried about Pepper but we know she ends up in the asylum in a few years. There is an episode dedicated to her coming up soon.
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality
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