AHS Freak Show: Episode 13 Recap: The Big Freak Show In The Sky (Season Finale)

"Curtain Call" brought us to the end of season 4 of "American Horror Story". The other three being "Murder House", "Asylum", and "Coven". How did "Freak Show" stack up against the rest? Was it everything you hoped for? I will say without a doubt it was a wild ride. I'll leave my opinions till the end. Please leave your thoughts in the comments section below.

The Freaks Finally Realize What Elsa Did

A quick recap-- last week Dandy took over the freak show. Elsa hightailed it out of town before the freaks could kill her for offing Ethel. Stanley was turned into a mini-Meep. Jimmy got his wooden lobster claws courtesy of Massimo. Maggie/Esmerelda was sawed in half. Chester turned himself into the police for "fake stabbing" puppet Marjorie to death. He really deserves jail though since he killed at least three real people.

Dandy's Got A Gun

Now Dandy is on a major power trip. He wants to be the star of the freak show (sounds familiar) but one is interested in Cole Porter tunes. Ever the people person, Dandy berates the freaks for not selling tickets to his show. They've finally had enough. Amazon Eve punches Dandy in his big fat face. Paul tells him they all quit. He gives Dandy the worst possible insult saying he's "b-o-r-i-n-g". Ouch! With that, Dandy goes into full psycho mode. He puts on his best white suit and leisurely strolls through the grounds murdering everyone in sight. We think Eve might stop him but nope, she's dead. Desiree is the only person to escape (because she was hiding in a closet). That was hard to watch.

Hey Where'd Everybody Go? Oh Nevermind, I Killed Em All

Jimmy returns to find a pile of bodies. He screams and cries (but of course that's what he does every week). Side note: How many bullets did Dandy have in that gold revolver (cause he shot a lot more than 6 times)? So to recap, almost all the freaks are dead within the first 20 minutes of the finale.

Marriage Is Hard

Dandy has spared Bette/Dot's lives. Bette confesses her love to Dandy. There's a wedding at the Mott mansion. Dandy hopes they'll have little three headed girls. The twins have prepared a special meal. The maid turns out to be... wait for it... Desiree. She spikes Dandy's alcohol. Next Jimmy shows up as the butler. Dandy is FINALLY going to get some pay back.

That Boy Is A Star!

Jimmy, Desire, Bette/Dot drag the Harry Houdini water chamber out of storage. They chain Dandy inside. He first tries insulting them. That doesnt work. Then he pleads for his life. That doesnt work. The chamber fills with water and Dandy drowns (while the others eat popcorn). Even though Dandy was pure evil, it's still hard to watch someone drown. My phobia of drowning was not helped by that scene. I'm suing you "AHS" for my therapy sessions.

If You're Not Nice To Me, Chester Will Saw You In Half

Next we head over to Hollywood in 1960. Elsa has indeed made it big. Remember the cover of "Life" magazine that Pepper found in the Briarcliff library? Elsa has tons of fame, awards, and a handsome husband (who she treats horribly). Did you notice he's Neil Patrick Harris' IRL husband David Burtka?. Elsa is still not happy. Her one true wish is to be loved. The head of the network tries to get her to perform on Halloween. She refuses (since she doesnt want Edward Mordrake to show up).

Massimo returns. Elsa suggests they run away and get fat and old together. He tells her he has a month to live. She also learns that Hedda Hopper found her WWII snuff film and is threatening to ruin her career. A few thoughts: 1. Elsa was obviously the victim in that film (since they chopped off her legs) so why would the studio cite this as breaking the "morals clause" in her contract? 2. In real life, Hedda Hopper apparently had a lot of enemies too. Check out her mysterious death in an old episode of "Mysteries and Scandals". It's on YouTube.

I Like To Travel With My Own Special Effects Team

Elsa finally agrees to perform on Halloween knowing she will be killed. She sings "Heroes". We see Jimmy watching the show on TV with a pregnant Dot. Meanwhile Bette reads a magazine. Side note: I assume Bette inherited all of Dandy's millions since they were wed. We also see Desiree pass by a TV while Elsa sings. She's with her children and husband (Malcolm Jamal-Warner). Edward Mordrake (and Twisty appear) at the television studio. I've missed you Twisty. We can see them but the studio audience cannot. They do see the freaky glowing green fog though. Ed stabs Elsa. We think she'll go with him. He refuses to take her. She goes elsewhere.

I Was Hoping Heaven With Provide A Variety Of Different Colored Pant Suits

Next we see Elsa back at the freak show. She is greeted by everyone-- Ma Petite, Suzy, Eve, Paul, Lizard Girl and even Ethel. Elsa will spend eternity singing in her blue pant suit to a packed house each night. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and her to really be in some form of tortuous purgatory. That would have been a better ending in my opinion. Then she could have quoted some classic line like "Damn you knotty pine". That still makes me laugh. But I guess since that did that last season Jessica Lang cant go out in the same way again. It appears Elsa wont pay for ANY of her sins-- not for killing Ethel, not for taking Pepper back to her sister (where she's later sent to the asylum for murder), not for stabbing Paul in the stomach with a throwing knife, not for trying to off Dot/Bette, not for selling the rest of the freaks out for a shot at fame. Ethel reminds us in a long winded explanation that "stars never pay". We're all just playing the parts assigned to us so no harm, no foul. OK Ethel, whatever ya say. You're the one that got a knife in the eye courtesy of Elsa.

Note: we do not see Del, Stanley, Dandy or Maggie with either Edward or in freak show heaven. Hopefully Dandy and Stanley are in the pits of hell. Dell and Maggie not so much.

It Sure Is Quiet Today

So what was the final death toll this season? I count 40 (give or take a few people). They are:

Dot & Bette's mother (killed by Bette, I think)
Dora the maid, ie Ms Patti LaBelle (killed by Dandy)
Regina, Dora's daughter (killed by Dandy)
Andy, ie Matt Bomer (killed by Dandy)
Toy store employees and couple picnicking (killed by Twisty); I'm counting as 4 people
Twisty (killed and taken by Edward Mordrake)
Detective who visited the freak show (killed by Jimmy)
Meep (killed while in prison)
Tupperware ladies (killed by Dandy); I'm counting as six people
Visiting Avon Lady (killed by Dandy)
Ma Petite (killed by Del so Stanley could sell her body to the museum)
Doctor who Desiree visited (committed suicide after his hands were crushed by Del)
Salty, Pepper's husband (died of natural causes)
Infant child of Pepper's sister Rita (murdered by her husband and blamed on Pepper)
Maggie (sawed in half by Chester)
Chester's wife and her girlfriend (killed by Chester)
Marjorie the puppet ("fake killed" by Chester)
Ethel (killed by Elsa but in self defense)
Del (killed by Elsa in retaliation for killing Ma Petite)
Lillian from the American Morbidity Museum (killed by Desire)
Amazon Eve (killed by Dandy)
Toulouse (killed by Dandy)
Legless Suzy (killed by Dandy)
Paul the Illustrated Seal (killed by Dandy)
Penny the Lizard Girl (killed by Dandy)
Barbara, ie Ima Wiggles (killed by Dandy)
Various other carnies (killed by Dandy); counting as four people
Dandy (killed by Jimmy, Desire, Dot/Bette)
Massimo (died of cancer)
Elsa (killed by Edward Mordrake)
Note: I did not count Stanley because the last time we saw him he was "technically" alive but missing arms, legs and a tongue.

The only major characters that survived till the end of the season were: Dot/Bette, Desiree and Jimmy.

I Do Wish We'd Spent More Time With Suzy, Paul and Eve. I'm Sure There were Some Great Stories To Be Told.

Favorite Quotes:

"I've heard you sing. You're nothing special. You're b-o-r-i-n-g... We're freaks. You'll never be one of us."- Paul giving Dandy the biggest insult possible.
"A stallion demands a certain amount of respect from all his mares."- did Dandy seriously just say that to Bette and Dot? I'm poison him too.
"Do you think we can make our own three headed girl?"- Dandy to Bette/Dot after they are wed.
"I'm not an escape artist. I'm a song and dance man."- Dandy to Jimmy and Desiree before they drown him in Houdini's water chamber.
"Freaks shall inherit the earth."- Jimmy.
"You may look like a motion picture dreamboat, but you are the biggest freak of them all."- Desiree to Dandy.
"Marriage is hard."-Dandy to Bette.
"I hate you, i hate you, i hate you." Yes Dandy, the feeling is mutual.
"One heck of a show. That boy is a star."- Desire, Jimmy and Dot/Bette eating popcorn as they watch Dandy drown.
"Change your act, Marlene did it better."- Hollywood receptionist to Elsa (because Elsa attacked her).
"Might as well go out with a bang."- Elsa before she sings on Halloween
"I'm the biggest freak of all."- Elsa.
"You're a terrible friend, you're a pain in the ass boss, you cant cook for shit."- Ethel listing Elsa's faults before accepting her into freak heaven
"Stars never pay."-Elsa and Ethel.

Why Cant I Be A Star In Hollywood?

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). The characters in "Freak Show" were my favorites thus far in any season. Twisty is the best killer clown ever (but gone far too soon). Dandy is another standout. I hated him in the beginning but his evilness quickly grew on me. At least Dandy got a lot of air time before he met his just rewards. Dot/Bette are of course like nothing else on television. I suspect Sarah Paulson had some serious chiropractic issues after holding her head sideways all season. Pepper has been one of my favorites since "Asylum". I would happily watch a Pepper spin off. Pepper for President! My criticisms of the show are definitely not about it's characters. Instead they're about the all over structure of the season. There are so many stories in most "AHS" seasons, that many begin and just fizzle out with no explanation. The show meanders on through some 11 episodes and then decides it's time to hurry and wrap up. Then they just throw some endings at a wall and see what sticks. But despite this shortcoming I still love "AHS" and will watch it to the bitter end.