Lizzie Borden Chronicles Episode 5 Review: Lizzie Doesnt Want You To Be Happy

The dialogue wasnt as sassy as in previous episodes but "Cold Storage" continued Lizzie's two murders per week pattern. I've adjusted my totals accordingly.

The episode begins with an inquest into Nance's death. Luckily Officer Trotwood saw the whole thing and concluded that Lizzie killed Nance in self defense. It doesnt hurt that he's sweet on Emma. Lizzie tries to put the kibosh on their relationship by telling Emma that Leslie will reject her if he finds out she's not a virgin. But this week the two love birds are at it again. They quickly decide to get married. Is this how things normally went in the 1800s? You'd think they might go for a few strolls in the park or hold hands or read poetry to each other... but I guess not. Lizzie congratulates them but we all know Trotwood isnt long for this world. Lizzie doesnt want Emma to be happy. She wants Emma to stay with her F-O-R-E-V-E-R.

Enjoy Your Remaining Time Officer Trotwood

Lizzie and Skipjack secretly meet. She wants Spencer's body. He wants lots of money. Lizzie tries a different angle and goes after Skipjack's photographer friend Perry. She blackmails him into taking her to the body and helping dispose of it. If he does not comply, Lizzie will tell his wife he takes dirty pictures.

Who Will Be The Next To Die?

We learn from Hilliard of Siringo's shady past. He did lots of bad things to bad people. But all was forgiven when he became a Pinkerton. This puts an interesting spin on Siringo. He doesnt have to abide by the law as others do. Hilliard and Siringo team up to try to take the serial killer down. They beat Skipjack until he agrees to cooperate. In exchange for immunity (and protection from Lizzie), he takes them to the Ice House. But Lizzie has already moved the body and repaid Perry for his help by setting him on fire.

Dude, When Lizzie Says Come Closer...You Should NOT Do That

Next Siringo returns to the inn to find Isabel beaten by her husband. Siringo teaches him a lesson by breaking a number of his bones. Isabel and Siringo later share the night together. He convinces her to run away with him. Isabel will be the next victim. Everyone knows happy = dead on horror shows. And sure enough, Lizzie arrives at the inn. Isabel follows her up to Siringo's room. I yelled for Isabel to stop but she didnt listen. After being accused of murder by Isabel's husband, he and Hilliard hightail it back to the inn where they find a horrifying sight. Isabel is dead on the bed with her throat slit. Between her legs is the severed, maggot infested head of Spencer. Its too horrifying for even the lawmen to comprehend. I do wish they hadnt shown Isabel's death in last week's previews. It didnt have the impact since we knew what was coming. Lizzie has crossed over into Hannibal Lecter territory.

Why Did You Go Upstairs When We Told You Not Too

Next week: A wedding at Maplecroft... and a murder (or two).

Lizzie Death Toll- 11 confirmed:

Mr Borden
Mrs Borden
Brother Will
William Almy
Nance's brother Spencer
Mr Flowers
Adele
Nance- that one was a complete shock
Next door neighbor Mrs Kenney (she was mean to her dog)
Perry (the photographer who helped Lizzie locate Spencer's body)
Isabel (love interest of Siringo)
Possibly Baby Benjamin?

Favorite Quotes:

"That bitch is smarter than the three of us put together."- Skipjack to Hilliard and Siringo.
"You are the only good thing in this whole town."- Siringo to Isabel right before she's killed by Lizzie.

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). A little bit of a let down from previous weeks since we're no longer shocked by Lizzie killing people in horrible ways. There are only three episodes to go in the season (so at least six more bodies). This gives Lizzie time to wipe out all the remaining major characters (including Emma). We've never seen a show (I dont think) where the main character kills off every other character. I say go for it.