Salem Season 2 Episode 5 Review: Who Invited That Witch?

"The Wine Dark Sea" opens with Countess Marburg doing her usual-- chilling in a tub. That woman likes her baths. What we dont see until the camera angle changes is that half her face is melted away. Cool special effects. There is also a girl suspended from the ceiling slowly being drained of blood. Does this mean Marburg has to bathe in blood to remain young-- ala Countess Bathory? I assume so since she's been referred to the Blood Countess.

Back in Salem, John has Cotton tied up while he rummages through all his books. Why he didnt just ask Cotton instead tearing up his place, I do not know.

Hawthorne pays Anne a visit. He makes a not so thinly veiled threat. Either they get hitched or he'll have her convicted of witchcraft. She runs to Mary's house. The solution is to marry someone else first...like Cotton. Anne is not opposed to the idea since she's sweet on Cotton anyway. Anne must kill something she loves in order to enact the love spell. The only thing she has left is Brown Jenkins. Bye Bye Brown! We barely got to know ya.

Yep I Still Got It

Next is the obligatory town hall meeting. Hawthorne is preaching to everyone. Mary previously prepped George for the occasion. If he defends her, she will: 1. Give him a little sex and/or 2. Put him out of his misery. Not necessarily in that order. George rises from his wheelchair and cuts Hawthorne down to size. That was fun to watch. It also gave us a glimpse of what George was like previously. During the meeting a storm approaches. The congregants think it's a sign from God. We know its someone on the other side of the good vs evil battle. Yep the Countess Palatine Ingrid von Marburg knows how to make an entrance.

Across town Mercy declares it breakfast time. No one else has an appetite though since Issac is what's on the menu. Mercy says "When I have eaten you to death, I will command your ghostly spirit." Geez Issac is never going to be rid of these crazies. When Mary is preoccupied, Dollie helps Issac escape. Where they plan to go, I have no idea.

Mary and the Countess finally meet. Lots of excellent barbs are exchanged. Marburg tells Mary she's a wanna be. Mary tells the Countess she couldnt enact the Grand Rite so she's not so hot either. Marbug also takes credit for wiping out whole civilizations of witches. She appears to be very powerful.

They part ways. The Countess says she left a "little gift" for Mary. She arrives home to discover George dead with water spewing out of him (or at least I think he's dead). Luckily Todd the Toad (what I call Mary's familiar) survives. Thank goodness he's an amphibian (so really likes water). With George gone, Mary has no one to protect her from Hawthorne. She now has zero power in Salem.

John Dude, You Are Way Too Uptight

In the final scene Anne goes to the cemetery to bury the items for her love spell. John is hiding there. Will he kill Anne? I don think so since she's a main character.

Favorite Quotes:

"You can put a crown on a sow's head but that doesnt make it a queen"- the Countess to Mary.
"Remember what you are Anne, a witch. You have no need for men to make their choices. You must make it for him."- Mary to Anne.
"When I have eaten you to death, I will command your ghostly spirit."- Mercy to Issac.
"I had to endure the sweaty molestations of Mr Sibley for his power."- Mary to Anne on why she should marry.
"I'll admit, you are impressive for a common Essex witch."- Marburg to Mary.
"You arrogant bitch!"- Mary to Marburg.
"Tis the way of the world...for now. We women are utterly defenseless without a man. A woman's beauty is her only power. So for us a man's power must be his beauty."- Mary to Anne.
"If you wanted to know how it felt to be a slave, you had but to ask."- Tituba to Mary.

Grade: 4 3/4 Monsters (out of 5). The best episode of the season. Mary and the Countess going toe to toe is a thing to behold. Whoever casted Lucy Lawless as Marburg is brilliant. But is she a witch IRL? Cause she doesnt seem to get older.