The Walking Dead Season 5 Epi 16 Review: Everything Gets Returned (Season Finale)

We've come to the end of another season of "The Walking Dead". Where did the time go? While my wish that all hell break loose in Alexandria didnt come true, the 90 minute finale was satisfying in a number of other ways.

Does This "W" Make Me Look Fat?

"Conquer" opens with Morgan being held at gunpoint by a Wolf (we can tell by the "w" on his forehead). The long haired dude is pretty chatty. Another Wolf tries to ambush Morgan but he goes full ninja and knocks them out with his staff. Morgan leaves the guys in a car. At first I thought he wanted the zombies to chomp them but in hindsight he has taken a vow not to kill anyone. Seriously? That seems like a bad idea.

Just Taking A Stroll In My Freshly Laundered Shirt

Back in town, Father Gabriel goes for a morning constitutional outside the walls. He doesnt need a gun-- the word of God is protection enough. I was hoping God would see fit to smite Gabe. Unfortunately no dice. And, as I've said previously, never trust a guy in clean clothes during the zombie apocalypse.

Nobody Likes You Nicholas

The other jerk I was hoping would die this week is Nicholas. Not only did he get Noah killed but now he's shooting at Glenn. Glenn is a much more decent person than I. He rescues Nicholas yet again. I have the feeling Glenn's kindness will get him killed one day.

Yep We're Still Bad Asses

Next we find Rick recuperating after last week's rant. Mich, Carol, Abe and Carl arrive. If Deanna tries to expel Rick, the plan is to take hostages and remove all the weapons from the armory. Not everyone is cool with this idea. Carol gives Rick another gun (that woman is a bad influence). Later Michonne and Rick are alone. I got the feeling they were going to kiss (which I would not be opposed to).

Carol bakes a casserole for Dr Pete. He also pulls a knife from her oven mitt and dares him to come at her.. If he doesnt clean her casserole dish before returning it there will be hell to pay. Did I mention how much I love Carol?

We All Knew This Was A Trap. Why Didnt You?

Daryl and Aaron go on another run. The plan is to bring back a food truck so they'll have enough provisions for potential new Alexandrians. But it's a trap. Lots of zombies (and parts of zombies) are in the trailers. They pour out. Daryl and Aaron barely make it to a car. It looks like they're goners. Oh no. Please dont let Daryl die. Just then Morgan arrives and saves the day.

Father Gabe and Sasha get in a fight in the church. She pulls a gun on him. Maggie stops her. Why did you do that? Come on, he deserves to be shot. They end up holding hands and praying. Come on. Shoot him and then pray!

And speaking of Gabe, he left the gate open when he returned from his walk. I thought for sure a swarm of zombies would attack. While the rest of the town is meeting to decide what to do about Rick, he's single handedly fighting off three zombies. You're welcome! And Rick squeezing that zombie's head till it rained zombie innards down on him was thoroughly disgusting (and entertaining).

I Knew Pete Was A Goner When He Broke That Casserole Dish

Everyone expresses their opinion during the meeting. Mich, Abraham and Carol are still firmly Team Rick. Rick crashes the party by throwing a zombie body at their feet. He tells them he'll teach them how to survive. Pete shows up screaming "You're not one of us". He's got Michonne's sword and slices Reg's throat when he tries to intervene. Poor Deanna. First her son is killed, now her husband. She tells Rick to "do it" (meaning to shoot Pete). Rick gladly obliges. Just then Morgan arrives with Daryl and Aaron. Welcome to Alexandria Morgan! Hopefully you can stay a while.

Time For A Power Nap

In other news, Sasha lays down in a zombie pit. Yuck. Red poncho guy doesnt fare well. Tara wakes up. Eugene has been at her bedside for some time. Abraham checks in on her. He and Eugene patch things up. Remember they had not spoken since Abe beat the crap out of Eugene for lying to them about being a scientist (and having the zombie cure).

Favorite Quotes:

"All life is precious."- Morgan.
"The Word of God is the only protection I need."- Father Gabe.
"Everything gets returned."- the Wolves and Morgan.
"Something is going to happen. Just dont MAKE something happen."- Michonne to Rick.
"There's a vast ocean of shit that you people dont know shit about. Rick knows every fine grain of said shit and then some."- Abe to Deanna and company.
"These people are children and children like stories"- Carol about the townspeople.
"How many of you do I have to kill to save your lives?"- Rick to the townsfolk.

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). The finale was not the huge blowout I had expected but the scene is set for next year. Will the Wolves attack Alexandria and drive everyone out? At least none of my favorites (Carol, Daryl, Michonne, or Glenn) were killed. I was seriously worried.

Morgan's new philosophy seems to be "All life is precious". While Glenn is on the same page with Morgan (since he didnt kill Nicholas), I'm not. If a person doesnt respect the basic precepts of society (ie dont prey on others) than they dont deserve to live IMHO. By not killing the bad guys you're making yourself weaker (and them stronger).

Bonus points for Daryl's three zombie chain kill and for Rick's zombie head squeeze. Extra bonus points for Carol's casserole skills. The next time I take someone a casserole, I'm going to try it Carol's way. I'll report back on the results.

And I cant wait till the new spinoff "Fear The Walking Dead" which premieres this summer. Woohoo!