Vikings Season 3 Episodes 2 Thru 4 Reviews: Let Me Take The Pain Away

Just catching up with our favorite Vikings. These episodes saw some major developments in both Wessex and back home in Kattegat.

Episode 2: The Wanderer
As you will recall from the premiere, the Vikings defeated Princess Kwenthrith's uncle in a bloody battle. Her brother (who had sided with her uncle) watched helplessly from the other side of the river.

King Ecbert takes Lagertha and the rest of the Vikings to their promised farming land. He also tries to woo her (using Athelstan as a translator since they dont speak the same language). Hey Lagertha is a free woman and can do what she wants.

Kalf is still stirring up trouble in Kattegat. He has declared himself Earl and conspired with Ragnar's sworn enemies.

Aslaug, Siggy and Helga begin having the same supernatural dream. A mysterious stranger named Harbard (well hello Kevin Durand from "The Strain") arrives in the village.

Burgred Is A Wimp

Episode 3: Warriors Fate
Ragnar's and Aethelwulf's armies finally capture Burgred. Torstein (who was injured and had his arm chopped off last week, sacrifices himself for the others). Conflict arises between Ragnar and Floki. Floki says the only reason they're in England is because of Ragnar. Rollo tries to act as a peacemaker between the two.

RIP Torstein. Your Wife & Your Girlfriend Will Miss You.

Bjorn's wife Porunn is severely injured in the battle. Her face is disfigured and she is with child. Ragnar has it out with Bjorn for letting her fight while pregnant. Ragnar is catching it from all ends these days.

Ecbert and the court attend the Viking's harvest festival in which Lagertha wears a white gown and lots of cow's blood is pored over her. The English nobles continue to complain to Ecbert about the pagans. This will all come to a head soon. In Kattegat two boys are found drowned far out to sea. Siggy suspects Harbard and visits the seer. He tells her "there's nothing you can do".

Will These Kids Make It?

Episode 4: Scarred
Bjorn continues to attend to a badly injured Porunn. tells Rollo and Floki that they are friends and fellow warriors. Rollo agrees but Floki just stares at him. I cant believe I'm saying this but Rollo is the voice of reason these days.

Athelstan Dont You Know Not To Sleep With Princesses?

Kwenthrith pees on Ragnar's wound and declares she has saved his life. They then have sex. Echbert and Lagertha also have sex but she wants to return home to rule her people. She doesnt know the trap that awaits her from Kalf. She basically tells Ecbert that he's full of himself. Athelstan and Judith also have sex. So much for keeping her Christian vows. Back in Kattegat, Aslaug spends more time with Harland (very much against Siggy's wishes). They have sex too. Harland reminds me of Rasputian. Is he a magician, a god, a fake or something else? Also I think this is the most sex we've ever seen in one episode of "Vikings" (not that I'm complaining).

Valhalla Welcomes Siggy

Poor Siggy. She sees Aslaug's boys Ubbe and Hvitserk walking on the ice. She tries to stop them but they fall though. She dives in after them. She saves them and hands them to Harbard who is waiting on the ice (for some reason). He looks at her and she descends back into the water and drowns.

The victorious Viking and Wessex soldiers finally arrive back in Ecbert's court. Since Judith has been knocking boots with our favorite monk, having Aethelwulf back in town should be interesting.

Kalf continues to gather more enemies of the Lothbrok's together. He is now joined by the son of Horik and his wife (the daughter of Earl Borg). And I'm sure you remember what happened to each of their fathers.

Better Keep An Eye on Now Queen Kwenthrith

And in the other shocking scene of the episode, Princess Kwenthrith pretends to toast her brother Burgred (whom she forgives and loves a little too much). Instead she poisons him in front of all the royalty on the show. She then declares herself the "sole and only ruler of Mercia". Wow that woman is stone cold. I like it. Everyone toasts her but then throws away their glasses (in case she tried to poison them too).

Dont Trust This Guy (But He Is One Heck Of An Exterminator & Vampire Fighter)

And in the final scene Harbard says its time for him to be on his way. He has healed baby Ivar the Boneless for the most part. He tells them Siggy is happy in Valhalla with her dead husband and dead children. Aslaug asks who he is. He replies "Just a wanderer". He walks out into the rain and then disappears as Helga looks on. Ewww, creepy stuff.

Favorite Quotes:

"I see a harvest celebrated in blood. I see a trickster whose weapon cleaves you. I see a city made of marble and a burning, broiling ocean...The marriage of plow and sword will sustain you until you become a virgin once more."- Seer to Lagertha.
"How many more of us must die for your Christians?"- Floki to Ragnar.
"I have enjoyed your company and the sex. Even so, although you have made me happy and fulfilled, I hae come to understand that the only person you truly care about is yourself."- Lagertha to Ecbert.
"We're all free to do as we please."- Ragnar to Athelstan.
Aslaug: "Who are you?" Harbard: "Just a wanderer."
"We cannot fight everyone. There must be cooperation, alliance."- Rollo to Floki.
"I gave myself to you. Please dont leave me."- Judith to Athelstan upon hearing he's heading back to Scandinavia with the vikings.
Ecbert: "You and I understand each other. That's why we are allies and will remain so". They both declare they are "good men". They then declare that they are corrupt. I cant wait to see these two go at it at some point.
Kwenthrith: "My lords, ladies and gentleman, please rise and raise your cups to the sole and only ruler of Mercia." Everyone: "To the Queen" (as they throw down their glasses in case she tried to poison them too."

And To Have Sexy Times With Lagertha

Grade: 4 3/4 Monsters (out of 5). All of these were excellent episodes with lots of twists and turns. "Scarred" gets a 5+ in my opinion. It was one of my most favorite episodes of the series. The great part about having so few episodes per season is there is no room for filler. Everything that happens on screen propels the story forward. I'm very sorry to see Siggy go. Her death was unexpected and shocking. In contrast, I'm very happy to see Harbard go. I didnt trust that guy/deity/creature only little bit.