Scream Queens Episode 9 Review: Denise Hemphill Is A National Treasure!

In "Ghost Stories" it's the night before the campus closes indefinitely. Boone is roaming the streets when a fake beard and mustache. It's his Joaquin Phoenix disguise. Chanel #3 sees his without it and decides he's a ghost. She tells the other Kappas she's being haunted by "dead gay Boone".

It turns out Boone isn't so gay after all. He has the hots for Zayday. OK then. Boone gets rid of the competition by offing Earl Gray. That poor guy didnt last long (or have much to do on the show). Boone sneaks into Kappa house to give Zayday flowers. Grace and Zayday recognize the fork marks in his hand (remember when Zayday stabbed her kidnapper) and shove him backwards out a second story window. But Boone is tough. He quickly disappears into the night.

Chad Radwell gives Chanel a turkey wishbone necklace and invites her to spent the holidays with his parents (and brothers Thad and Brad) in the Hamptons. PS their family home is haunted. A wrench gets thrown into the plan when Hester declares she is pregnant by Chad. More on that later.

Denise asserts listening to ghost stories will help the girls forget they're likely to killed soon. She tells two Japanese ghost stories. The first is about a girl who is "grabbed by the vagina" by a creature hiding in the toilet. The second is about a girl that has to choose between red or blue toilet paper. Hint, dont pick either one! Now the Chanels are more frightened than ever. Haaa Denise is the best! I've said it many times before but I just love her.

Denise goes to the bathroom and sees red and blue tissue (just like her story). Uh oh. The Red Devil appears. They struggle. I was seriously worried Denise was a goner. But she's tough and escapes. She locks the girls in a room. How much more stuff does she have stashed under her dress? So far she's pulled out a taser and handcuffs. Hester tells another ghost story. It's the 1950s and someone that looks exactly like her is driving alone at night. A truck tries to run her off the road. It turns out the driver was trying to WARN her of someone in the back of her car... with a meat hook.

Chanel #5 runs out of the house with her suitcases. While driving away, the Red Devil appears in her backseat (just like Hester's story). A tow truck driver tries to warn her. The Devil stabs him to death. #5 runs back to the Kappa house... since that of course is the safest place to be. NOT!

Back to preggo Hester. The ladies determine it's all a lie when they trick her into eating sushi, soft unpasteurized cheese and drinking alcohol. Lea Michele is EXCELLENT in this scene. She really sells it. In a fit of revenge, Chanel pushes Hester down the long staircase to her supposed death. We hear a snap. I'm hoping that was just her bedazzled neck brace. If she's really dead, that would suck. I've been looking forward to Hester going full psycho on the Chanels.

In the last murder of the episode, Boone had told RD #2 he wanted Gigi dead. Boone is killed instead. One Devil down, one to go. Or are there more?

Favorite Quotes:

"Gather around by the fireplace. Mama Denise is about to scare the bejesus out of you with some real scary ghost stories."
"Sacajawea was the third wheel of the Lewis and Clark gay camping extravaganza."- Chanel to the others as they take a stroll down alternate history.
"Yeah like the furniture just starts screaming or you'll crack open a Mountain Dew and you'l start to drink it, and it will just turn to blood. We're going to have the dopest time!"- Chad to Chanel about his family compound.
Chad is plenty serious about his packing. "This is why I chose to minor in luggage sciences with an emphasis on packing theory."

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). Sure the show makes no sense. Who cares when we're having so much fun. I seriously would watch a show with Denise just telling ghost stories. She is a national treasure. So who's your guess as to the other Red Devil? It's a girl and is someone who knows about Zayday's daily activities. I'm going with Hester or Chanel #3. Or perhaps it's someone that's not even on the audience's radar. I wouldnt put that past "Scream Queens".