Orphan Black Season 3 Epis 1 Review: New Clones In Town (Season Premiere)

When we last caught up with the clones, Cosima was very sick, Helena had been kidnapped, Allison exited rehab and was covering up a murder (or two), and Rachel had a pencil in her eye.

Hey There Pretty Lady. Wanna Make A Love Connection?

Season 3 "The Weight of This Combination" opens with the clones having a baby shower for a very pregnant Helena. That was great fun. Each clone's distinct personality is on display (especially Alison and her cupcakes). Too bad it's just a dream. Helena is actually locked in a box with a big black scorpion. Thanks "Orphan Black" for giving me nightmares. Next we jump over to the Dyad Institute with a crazy scene of the pencil being extracted from Rachel's eye. Again thanks "Orphan Black" for even more nightmares.

Across town Sarah, Felix and Kira are hanging. Delphine drives up. Yep she's looking super hot this year with her straight hair. She shows Sarah video of yet ANOTHER girl clone. This one is apparently named Crystal. She was last seen on video with one of the Castor clones. What is the Castor boys' plan? They are definitely a threaten to the sestras.

Allison is busy watching a soccer game and herding all the kids onto a bus. Donnie arrives with a box. He called his boss a bitch and got fired. Donnie continues to be weirdly hilarious. Oh and Alison wants to run for school trustee. I dont see how that could cause any problems, do you?

Mrs S is attacked at home by one of the boy clones. She confesses to Sarah that she let Paul and Miller take Helena in order to protect everyone else. Sarah is not happy and screams at her. This part of the story doesnt make sense to me... but whatever. I'll just roll with it.

Now Everyone Can Double Date. There Are 4 Of Each. Oh But Cosima Definitely Isnt Interested So We Have One Extra Boy.

We've seen at least 4 clones from Project Castor thus far. They are: Mark (we met him last season, he loves Gracie), Miller (wears camo, carted Helena away), Rudy (has a scar and likes to do naked pullups) and Seth (has a mustache). We still dont know their plan yet-- other than to mess with the sestras from Project Leda.

Delphine tells Cosima she's the "new Rachel" so they cant be together. Oh the feels! Are those two kids ever going to get together? Cophine better not be over.

Delphine tells Sarah she must pretend to be Rachel in order to trick the cleaner that Topside is sending (or people will die). Is Ferdinand hip to the charade of Sarah pretending to be Rachel and Alison pretending to be Sarah? It looks like they've gotten away with it for now. Again Tatiana should win all the rewards in the world. Not only is she playing at least 4 distinct characters simultaneously but she's playing them playing each other. That woman can do wrong in my eyes.

Rachel and Ferd apparently had a little S&M thing going on previously. Before being almost strangled Ferdinand reveals something about Helsinki. Again I'm not sure since I wasnt paying attention.

Elsewhere Delphine tries to pump one eyed Rachel (who may or may not be brain damaged) for additional intel. Her "thumb to the eye socket" interrogation technique seems quite effective.

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). This episode was basically to reintroduce us to "Orphan Black". I'm not sure how I feel about the boy clones yet. Time will tell. I'm seriously liking the eye gouging straight haired Delphine though. She scares me (but in a good way).