Stitchers Epi 1 Review: I See Dead People (Series Premiere)

"Stitchers" premiered on Tuesday on ABC Family. Kirsten Clark, an antisocial but BRILLIANT doctoral candidate in computer science, is recruited by a top secret government agency. Their mission is to "stitch" into recently deceased brains in order to find clues on who killed them. Kirsten suffers from a disorder called "temporal dysplasia" which basically means she has no concept of time (and apparently no emotions as well). In case you wonder if this is a real thing, it's not. I looked it up.

The first episode has Kirsten stitching into a bomb maker's brain in order to find the location of two bombs before they are detonated. The dead guy was trying to get back at the people that stole his girlfriend's research. Yep, the girlfriend is dead too. Dont try to make sense of it. Just roll with it. After the case is closed, Kirsten says she's leaving because digging around in dead people's brains made her feel "emotions" and she doesnt do emotions. OK then...

The other main characters on the show include:

Kristen's roommate Camille. They dont particularly like each other.
A nerdy science dude (Cameron) that will end up being Kirsten's love interest.
The head of the top secret government program (Maggie).
An annoying police detective who will get to the bottom of this whole mystery if it kills him.
Other assorted scientists who work on the program.

Typical Computer Geeks/Scientists Do NOT Look Like This

And in the not-so-surprising reveal at the end of the episode, we learn that Kristen's real father (who abandoned her as a child) developed the Stitchers program. Earlier we learned that the man that raised her (Ed Clark) supposedly committed suicide. After hearing this news Kirsten decides to hang around to solve the mystery. If she has no emotions why does she care what happened to biodaddy or the guy that raised her? Uh, since otherwise we wouldnt have a show.

Random Thoughts:

My first gripe is with the title. Couldnt ya find something better than "Stitchers"? It reminds me of my grandmother's sewing circle.
The entrance to the top secret government program is through a hidden elevator in a Chinese restaurant. Arent they all?
What about being submerged in a tank of water in a "cat suit" makes you able to see dead people's memories? I tried this in my tub. It doesnt work.
Emma Ishta spends a lot of time looking at the camera and trying to react to whatever she is supposed to be seeing in the dead people's memories. Poor girl. She doesnt have much to work with here.
Will anyone tune in each week to watch Kirsten solve crimes? Making an audience feel empathy for a character that's basically a jerk to everyone one around them is a tough order. We love Sheldon Cooper from the "Big Bank Theory" even though he's a pompous ass most of the time because his humanity seeps through at times. Can "Stitchers" pull off a similar feat? I'm not sure.

Grade: 3 Monsters (out of 5). Not horrible but not good either. I liked the show more than I thought and might check it out again but wont be a regular viewer. There's not enough substance to make this "must see TV" for me.