American Horror Story Coven Episode 9 Recap: What Fresh Hell Is This?

The last episode of the year was very appropriately named "Head" (since that's all Delphine is right now, just a head). Here's all the crazy goings on:

Fiona brought Delphine's head back to Marie AGAIN. That head is turning into a ping pong ball. Marie tells Queenie to burn it but she doesn't. Instead she takes Delphine upstairs where she forces her to watch an African American history marathon featuring "Roots", "Roots: The Next Generation", "the Color Purple" and " BAPS". Delphine refuses and starting singing Dixieland while keeping her eyes tightly shut. That made me laugh out loud. Cathy Bates is hilarious! At the end she begins sobbing. Has Delphine had a change of heart? I seriously doubt it.

While at the salon, Fiona tells Marie that they should join forces to fight their common enemy (the Witch Hunters) but Marie is having none of it. Fiona meets FrankenKyle. He kills her dog Endora (I could have done without that) and she teaches him how to play cards. She finally has a friend (besides SpaldingGhost).

We see a flashback to a young Hank hunting witches with his father. Apparently witches can be stopped with silver bullets. Who knew? Luke is descended from a long line of witch hunters. Their cover is the multinational corporation the Delphi Trust headquartered in Atlanta. His father is currently the CEO. He knows his son isn't cut out for the business and keeps screwing up. It turns out that the Witch Hunters actually blinded Cordela with acid in order to make her more dependent on Hank. Well that backfired. I cant wait till she finds out it was really them.

Thanks to Myrtle's cleaver use of a melon baller on the other two members of the Council, Cordelia has some new (although mismatched) eyeballs. Definitely don't make Myrtle mad.

And The Best Use Of A Melon Baller In A Murder Goes To.... Myrtle Snow

Hank, who had previously sided with the Voodoo Witches, is stalling. Marie does a little voodoo magic to convince him to get on with disposing of the Salem Witches or he will face a horrible, painful death.

Way too much time was spent on Luke Ramsey (who was in a coma) and his crazy mother Joan. Luke tells Joan thru Nan (since she's a clairvoyant) that knows she killed his father (death by bees). But no chance of him talking since she smothers him with a pillow. She puts Mommy Dearest to shame. But per my review last week, I'm still not counting Luke out as the Supreme though. Everyone on this show comes back to life. Why can't he?

Hank prepares to attack what we think are the Salem Witches. Instead it's the Voodoo Witches. He kills everyone except Marie. Right before he can kill her, Queenie shoots herself in the head to stop him. Why didn't she just shoot him? She was right next to him. I still don't understand Queenie's powers but it looks like she's permanently dead now... Or is she? In a somewhat related note, I'm not sure the song "Cry Freedom" was appropriate to be played while everyone in the salon was being killed by Hank. It trivialized the African American struggle for freedom to me. Let me know if I'm wrong in the comments.

And Marie heads for the girl's school where a smiling Fiona lets her in. Did she have the inside scoop that the massacre was about to happen? Fiona is always up to something. We just don't know what.

Favorite quotes (there are so many):

“This better be good. I got six more heads waiting for me out front. That one, you can keep.”- Marie to Fiona when she brought back Delphine's head to the salon.

"No mercy. Never forget what they are."- Hank's daddy (who's a Witch Hunter).

"That's a white woman's worry."- what Marie laughs about when Fiona says the Witch Hunters might be after her too.

"You are not leaving this earth until I educate you about those people you tortured,”- Queenie to Delphine's head.

The Witch Hunters are “dedicated to stamping out the pestilence that is witchery on the North American continent.”

“The generous donors wish to remain anonymous,”- Myrtle on where Cordelia's mismatched eyeballs came from.

"Who let this charcoal briquette back in?"- Fiona about Myrtle (who she burned at the stake previously).

And it turns out that the alternative punishment to being burned at the stake is exile to.... Paramus, New Jersey. Yes home of "toxic waste and outlet malls".

Queenie called Delphine "one stubborn old lady head" when she keeps closing her eyes during the videos.
"What fresh hell is this?"- Delphine to Queenie on her viewing choices.

Hey, did y'all forget about me? The head in the box would like to go for ice cream. I call shotgun.

Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). I had high expectations so I felt a little let down. Only 4 more episodes to go till the season finale on 1/29. And the first episode in January features the fabulous Stevie Nicks. When will Papa Legba make a visit?