Joffrey's little brother Tommen Baratheon is crowned king. Lady Olenna tells granddaughter Margaery to get close to Tommen as soon as possible (before Cersei has a chance to poison his mind). He appears smitten with Margaery so it's going as planned. Olenna hints that either she herself killed Joffrey or she assisted in the plot. That old lady is way cool.
Cersei is now scheduled to marry Loras Tyrell. And Margaery is scheduled to marry Tommen. Margaery tells Cersei she doesnt know what to call her-- sister or mother. Cersei is less than amused.
Dany and her dragons free the city of Meereen. The slave masters are nailed to stakes on the road to town (just as they have previously done to the slaves). Her advisors tell her she might have enough troops with the Unsullied, Second Sons and freed slaves to capture King's Landing. However she wont be able to take the rest of the Seven Kingdoms. Dany is also told that the previous two cities she liberated have slipped back into the same old habits. She decides to stay in Meereen for a while and rule as Queen.
We learn that Ser Jorah betrayed Dany years ago. In exchange he was given a pardon from King Robert back in Westeros. However he seems to have become quite loyal to her over time (unless it was all a big act). I dont think so since he has advised her wisely at each turn. He seems to genuinely care about her. Jorah is exiled out of the city. Will he be back? Also Missandei and Grey Worm may have a love connection. Not sure what he can do about it since the Unsullied are supposed to be eunuchs. Maybe they'll just cuddle.
Tyrion is set to stand trial for the murder of King Joffrey. We of course know he didnt do it. Jaime cuts a deal with his father Tywin. If he spares Tyrion's life Jaime will quit the King's Guard and sire some children. Tyrion will be sent to join the Night's Watch. However Tyrion (who's never been one to hold his tongue) loses it when his mistress Shae is brought to testify. She says that Tyrion and Sansa plotted to kill Joffrey. Tyrion starts screaming. He says he's being tried because he's a dwarf. He still swears he's innocent of killing Joffrey but gives the crowd a good tongue lashing. He wishes he had enough poison to kill everyone in King's Landing and demands a trial by combat.
Each side chooses a champion to fight for them. Cersei selects the Mountain. Prince Oberyn Martell (the Viper) tells Tyrion he will serve as his champion in order to avenge his sister. The fight beings. At one point, we think the Viper is about to get the best of the Mountain. However while yelling at him to admit he raped and killed his sister, the Mountain attacks Martell and pushes in his eyeballs (causing his skull to explode). Eeek. Really bad way to go. The morale of the story is: never pause to deliver a stirring speech while killing someone. The Mountain confesses to the murders. He's killed lots of people so he doesnt care. Is he really dead this time? Now poor Tyrion will be executed.
Brienne and her new squire Podrick head out in search of Sansa. Jaime gives her the Valyrian sword before leaving. It is named the "oathkeeper". Later they run into Pot Pie who tells them where to look for Arya and maybe Sansa.
Sansa is taken by Lord Baelish (ie Littlefinger) to Vale of Arryn to see her aunt Lysa (who is also his soon to be wife). She is a crazy jealous women. She first accuses Sansa of seducing Baelish. Sansa finally convinces her otherwise and that she is a virgin. Lysa then tells Baelish he owes her after everything she's done for him (including apparently poisoning her own husband and then blaming the Lannisters in a letter to her sister). They wed. Incidentally Lysa is really loud in bed. Have some self respect woman!
Littlefinger finally confides in Sansa that he always loved her mother Catelyn. He cites this as the reason he killed Joffrey (to avenge her death). Lysa sees them kissing (actually Littlefinger kissed Sansa) and plans to throw Sansa down the Moon Door. Luckily Littlefinger arrives and pushed Lysa to her death instead. Sansa keeps Littlefinger's secret and says her aunt committed suicide. Aunt Lysa was definitely a strange bird.
Arya and the Hound spend much of these episodes roaming the countryside. She has taken to reciting the names of everyone she plans to kill (including the Hound). They finally arrive at her Aunt's BUT Lysa died three days earlier. Oops. Arya finds the whole situation extremely funny. They are always a day late to the party.
Meanwhile Stannis and Davos head to the Iron Bank to make a withdrawal. It looks like they will fail at getting financial support until Davos convinces Tycho. Davos tells his pirate friend that they're ready to set sail with their new navy. The Red Witch (Melisandre) tells Queen Selyse that Shireen must accompany them. It is the God of Light's wish. Yeah right.
Yara Greyjoy leads an attack on Dreadfort. She tries to rescue Theon but he doesnt remember who he is. They later return their boats. She tells everyone her brother is dead. Afterwards Ramsey sends Reek (as Theon) to Moat Cailin. Reek gets the inhabitants to surrender and then are all slaughtered. Lord Bolton makes Ramsey a true Bolton (instead of a Snow) as a reward for his accomplishment.
During the attack on Mole's Town, Ygritte sees Gilly and the baby but does not disclose their hiding place. Otherwise they would have been killed like everyone else. Gilly makes it back to Sam at the Wall. He says they will never leave each other again.
Beyond the Wall, Bran and company are captured at Craster's Keep. Bran eventually has to share his identity is order to keep them all alive. They are finally liberated by Bran entering Hodor's body. They continue their journey instead of joining Jon. Meanwhile Jon liberates some of Craster's wives. He asks them if they want to come to the Wall. They decline and stay there after burning the building and all the dead bodies.
Back at Castle Black, they're still guarding the Wall. The brothers give Jon Snow a hard time because he went AWOL. He begs them to prepare for the coming onslaught of wildlings but they do not take him seriously. Much of episode 9 is dedicated to the battle at the Wall. Its wildlings, giants and mammoths against the Night's Watch (who are seriously outnumbered) and being attacked from BOTH sides.
Now would be a good time for Jon to say I told you so. The eventually breech the wall because it's hard to defend against giants and mammoths. Jon sees Ygritte who draws a bow on him. She hesitates. A boy (Olly) shoots her through the heart and then smiles at Jon. Jon, let's be honest. You were never going to be able to settle down with Ygritte without having to sleep with one eye open. Tormund has been shot several times but is captured. Jon goes outside the Wall in an attempt to kill Mance. He leaves his sword with Sam before leaving. Those were some great fight scenes. Did I mention the giants and mammoths? Very cool.
Grade: 4 Monsters (out of 5). Any guess as to what will happen during the season finale next week? Will Tyrion live or die? I really hope he live. He has the best lines on the show. And dont you wish there were more than 10 episodes per season of "Game of Thrones"? Please leave your comments below.
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The World According To GMonster
TV: Heavy On Sci Fi, Horror & Adventure; Light On Reality
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