Game of Thrones Season 3 Overview: Under No Circumstances Should You RSVP For The Red Wedding

With season 4 just starting I'm WAY behind in "Game Of Thrones". Below is a basic overview of what happened during season 3. This obviously does NOT go into minute detail since there are so many different characters and kingdoms. I hope to review the show weekly going forward.

The names of the season 3 episodes are:

"Valar Dohaeris" (All Men Must Serve)
"Dark Wings, Dark Words"
"Walk of Punishment"
"And Now His Watch Has Ended"
"Kissed By Fire"
"The Climb"
"The Bear And The Maiden Fair"
"Second Sons"
"The Rains of Castamere"
"Mhysa" (Mother)

The Lannisters attempt to consolidate their power. Tyrion is still beat down by his father Tywin. Queen Cersei can't get any respect from him either. Brienne of Tarth swore an oath to get Jaime (the Kingslayer) to King's Landing (where she hopes to trade him for Sansa and Arya Stark). They are captured by Locke. Jaime convinces Locke's men not to rape Brienne. He says her father is wealthy and will pay for her safe return. Jaime's hand is chopped off. Locke delivers the captives to Lord Roose Bolton (who is none too happy about them being roughed up). Later Jaime tells Brienne that he killed "Mad King" Aerys Targaryen in order to keep King's Landing from being burned down.

Meanwhile King Joffrey Baratheon is getting more friendly with Lady Margaery Tyrell. She acts all kind and sweet to the peasants but may be just as bad as Joffrey. Her grandmother (Lady Olenna) is no one's fool. Over lunch they both pump Sansa about what Joffrey is really like.

Margaery tells Sansa that when she becomes queen, Sansa can marry her brother Loras. Loras in the meantime is busy having sexy with another guy. We find out that Cersei is trying to get rid of the Tryells (because Margaery has more power over Joffrey than Cerseu does). To keep Sansa from marrying Loras, Tywin makes Tyrion marry Sansa. He then makes Cersei marry Loras. No one is happy about this arrangement.

The White Walkers have attacked the Nights Watchmen. Jon Snow meets the King Beyond The Wall. When asked why he deserted the Watch, he said he saw Craster give his baby son to the walkers and no one did anything about it.

Daenerys sets sail to buy an army. She purchases the Unsullied (8000 men strong) from the Valyrian for the price of her largest dragon. Of course little does he know that she speaks Valyrian fluently and understands very word he says about her. She has the Unsullied attack the city of Astapor and kill all the slave masters. She then sets all the soldiers free and asks them to serve her willingly (which they all do).

Davos was shipwrecked but is rescued. He goes to Dragonstone to try to talk some sense into Stannis. He is brainwashed by Melisandre though. She tells Stannis its his fault they lost the battle at Blackwater Bay because he advised her against going so she couldnt use her magic. Davos tries to kill her and is thrown into the dungeon.

King In the North Robb Stark and Queen Talisa go to Harrenhal where he finds all the prisoners/soldiers killed. His mother Caitelyn is still being blamed for letting Jaime Lannister go and causing this.

Bran Stark has a dream about a three eyed crow. He later meets a boy named Jojen Reed who says he's a seer like Bran. Arya Stark, Gendry and Hot Pie are captured by the Brotherhood Without Banners (a cult like group that follows the Lord of Light). Arya later confronts "The Hound" (Sandor Clegane) about killing Mycah. He says Joffrey told him Mycah attacked him first and he had no choice (since he had to obey the King). Anyway he survives the duel with Beric Dondarrion (who is resurrected for a SIXTH time) so the Hound is freed. Arya confronts Melisandre and calls her a witch. Melisandre says Arya has a darkness inside her and that they will meet again.

Robb Stark beheads Lord Karstark for killing the Lannister boys. Since he's short on men (and the Karastarks will no longer support him), Robb seeks the help of Lord Walder Frey (whose daughter he was supposed to marry). Jon Stark and Ygritte have sexy times. The team led by Tormund Giantsbane climbs the wall. Ygitte and Jon are almost killed when the man above them cuts the rope to save themselves. Jon saves them though and they make it to the top where they share an intimate moment.

Jaime is allowed to leave Harrenhal but Brienne's is forced to stay. She makes him promise to keep his pledge to bring the Stark girls home to their mother. Jaime worries about Brienne and returns to find that Locke has her fighting a bear. Jaime saves her and this time they head to King's Landing together.

Theon Greyjoy is still being tortured by Ramsey Snow (who is Lord Balton's son) This story line is my least favorite and seems to go on FOREVER. Anyway two naked women appear and start having sexy time with him. Just when things are starting to get good, Ramsey shows up again. He has his men hold Theon down while he chops off his "business" (which is later sent in a box to Greyjoy's father and sister). His sister gathers some men together and sets sail to free Theon.

Daenerys and her army arrive at the city of Yunkai. They encounter the Second Sons (a mercenary group). The leaders meet with the Mother of Dragons. They drawn coins as to who will kill Daenerys that night. Daario Naharis was supposed to do the deed but instead brings the heads of the other two leaders to Daenerys. He pledges his loyalty and that of the Second Sons Army to her.

Melisandrea has a strange leech ceremony with Gendry. "There is power in the king's blood". Stannis arrives and burns the leeches (which are symbolic of his three enemies and usurpers of the throne-- Robb Stark, Balon Greyjoy, and Joffrey Baratheon). The Hound plans to take Arya to her brother Robb's so he can get a reward for her).

Tyrion and Sansa are finally married. Joffrey steals the stool that Tyrion was to use to place his rob around her shoulders. Tyrion gets really drunk at the wedding dinner. Joffrey boasts that he will rape Sansa and then demands to see the newlyweds performing in their marital bed. Tyrion threatens Joffrey's life but gets out of it by saying he is very, very drunk.

Sam, Gilly and the baby (he later is named Sam) are still trying to make their way to the Wall. A White Walker appears to take the baby. Sam manages to stab him the back and he turns to dust. They flee into the night chased by a murder of crows.

Episode 9 entitled "The Rains of Castamere," (which is apparently a Lannister song) begins with Rob Stark and his mother planning to attack the Lannister's ancestral home of Casterly Rock. They can only win with the cooperation of Walder Frey's army. When they arrive at the Twins for the wedding of Edmure Tully (Catelyn's nephew) and Roslin Frey (Lord Frey's daughter) all seems well. That is after Rob apologized for breaking his vow to marry one of Frey's daughters/ granddaughters. By the end of the episode though, Rob, his wife Talisa (who is pregnant) and Catelyn have all been slaughtered. The rest of the Stark men and wolves have also been killed. Roose Bolton was secretly working for the Lannisters all along. Meanwhile the Hound and Arya are outside the castle trying to get in. They see the decapitated body of the King of the North (Arya's brother) being paraded through the city.

After the Red Wedding, episode 10 was a bit anti climatic. Not sure why they didnt make episode 9 the season finale instead. The King Beyond The Wall's group attack an old man and steals his horses. The man escapes and they follow him to a mill. Little do they know that TeamBran is inside the mill. The baddies want Jon to kill the old man but he cannot. They turn on Jon but he escapes. Ygritte follows him and shoot him with several arrows (true love gone wrong). Sam and Gilly come upon Bran's group. Jaime and Brienne finally arrive back at King's Landing. Jaime makes a beeline to see Cersei. The Red Witch says "Death marches on the Wall". The White Walkers are going to chomp down on someone.

Grade: 4 1/2 Monsters (out of 5) for the season. My favorites were episode 4 (since that is when Daenerys buys the Usullied and then frees them) and episode 9 (the Red Wedding of course). The swirly of dead horse heads in the snow by the White Walkers was a cool touch. Brienne vs the Bear is the Seven Kingdom's version of WWE.