American Horror Story Freak Show: Episode 5 Recap: Stanley Will Not Be Invited To Participate In The New Season Of Cupcake Wars

Curse you Ryan Murphy for making me have all these feelings about characters that arent even real! "Pink Cupcakes" was the best episode of "AHS: Freak Show" thus far. There was a whole lot going on so let's get started.

I Do Not Like You Sir!

Flash forward to Stanley and Esmerelda at the opening of a new exhibit at the American Morbidity Museum. As the curtain pulls back we see the body of Paul the Illustrated Seal in a tank. Nooooo! Side Note: I believe the AMM is based on the very real Mutter Museum in Philadelphia. Check it out here: http://muttermuseum.org/

Yep These Tulips Need To Be Buried At Least Six Feet Under

Next we're back in Jupiter. Dandy has gone further off the deep end (if thats even possible). His mother finds the dead body of Dora. Dandy is like "someone has broken in and killed our maid" but Gloria knows he is to blame. Dora is buried in the front yard. Gloria explains to the gardeners that she has some very exotic tulips from Holland that need to be buried extra deeply. Yeah right! I seriously hope Ms Patti LaBelle comes back as a ghost and does something terrible to Dandy.

We learn that Dandy's father was also a psycho killer. I wonder if Gloria had to eventually kill him (she says he hung himself) and if the same thing will happen to Dandy? Gabourney Sidibe is back as Dora's daughter. She becomes concerned after not hearing from her mother and calls Gloria. Perhaps she'll come to Jupiter and put a hurting on Dandy?

Dandy Contemplating The Meaning Of Life

After doing some push ups in his tighty whities Dandy puts on his best duds and heads to the local gay bar. Who do we see there but Del. He has fallen head over heels for a male prostitute named Andy (played by the beautiful Matt Bomer). Del wants Andy to leave with him. Andy wants to stay in Jupiter. Dandy takes Andy back to Twisty's lair. He stabs him repeated (while wearing Twisty's mask) and then starts sawing off his arm. But Andy is somehow still alive. He tries to escape and Dandy stabs him a few more times. That scene was hard to watch.

I Enjoyed My Work Up Until This Point

Desiree is alone in her trailer when Jimmy arrives. Things get hot and heavy after Jimmy starts crying about poor Meep. Desiree starts bleeding from "down there" and Jimmy runs for help. Ethel takes Desiree to her kindly old doctor. Side note: Does Jimmy ever use anything other than his lobster claw when he's getting busy? Just wondering.

Doc tells Desiree that she is indeed 100% woman. How he knows this without doing genetic testing is a mystery. But that's how things rolled back in the 1950s. Desiree in fact does not have a penis. Its an enlarged clitoris. The bleeding was due to a miscarriage so she can get pregnant. The doc can fix her up with some hormone therapy and surgery. Desiree is overjoyed at the news. When Del returns home he's not so happy (cause it seems he likes the boys best). She is leaving him. Del later visits the doctor, threatens his family and breaks his fingers (so he cant do surgery). Del, you sir are a jerk!

Back in town Stanley is busy instigating all kinds of trouble. Here's where things get a little fuzzy*. Stanley takes Bette and Dot on a picnic. He offers them pink cupcakes. Bette eats one but Dot refuses. Bette starts foaming at the mouth. Next we see Bette and Dot laying on a bed. Bette is dying (her color has changed to a terrible bluish gray). Dot begs Stanley to take them to a hospital but he refuses. Oh the feels! I kept having to remind myself that Bette and Dot are not real. And in another scene we see the upper torso of Bette and Dot at the American Morbidity Museum.

TV Is Beneath Me (This Is A Great Shot)

But the show must go on. Elsa does another song and the audience is not receptive. They throw stuff at her (luckily not beer bottles). She considers Stanley's suggestion (he's pretending to be a Hollywood agent) that she consider a career in TV. He also suggests she mentor Dot and Bette (who she is jealous of). In the final scene Elsa arrives at the Mott household. I assume she'll try to sell Bette/Dot to Dandy to eliminate her competition. I really hope she doesnt know he'll try to kill them.

Ryan Murphy, You Are A Sneaky Snake

And did you see the EW interview with Ryan Murphy last week. If not its here: http://insidetv.ew.com/2014/10/31/ryan-murphy-american-horror-story-connected/ He says all the seasons are connected and that there are clues. Pepper has been in two seasons. Sister Mary Eunice arrives in Jupiter next week (so she would be the second recurring character). Both are from season 2 "Asylum". Are all the other characters somehow related by birth? Please leave your thoughts in the comments.

Also as we've seen previously in "AHS" dead does not necessarily mean dead. Keep an eye out for the reappearance of Twisty, Mordrake and maybe even Andy (since he seemed especially hard to kill).

Whew, Thank Goodness They're Safe For Now

* I think the scene with Paul the Seal and Bette/Dot in the glass cases were just wishful thinking on Stanley's part. That's not to say that it wont in the future. "AHS" is tricky that way.

Favorite Quotes:

"Accidents happen all the time."- Stanley to Esmerelda about how they will kill the freaks.
"That's a real nice fantasy, but where are we gonna get the tanks?"- Esmerelda to Stanley.
"The only thing people hate more in Jupiter than freaks are poofs."- Esmerelda to Stanley.
"Im really enjoying my time at the Barbizon Secretarial School in New York City."- Regina (Dora's daughter) to Gloria.
"I would rather be boiled in oil than be on television."- Elsa to Stanely.
"You go ahead and do your worst. Cause once they change me down there, I'm gonna be too much woman for you anyway."- Desiree to Del.