American Horror Story Coven Episode 11 Recap: Benadryl Is The Answer

"Protect The Coven" was another crazy bat shit off the rails episode. Just the way I love them! Here's the highlights:

Nan's funeral at the cemetery is officiated over by the two people who drowned her last week (Fiona and Marie). The service abruptly ends when Queenie returns dragging Delphine behind her on a dog leash.

Much of this episode is told from Delphine's perspective (and how "put upon" she feels by her servitude). She is plotting to kill everyone in the house (well who isnt?)..They really should NOT let that woman cook since you can guess what was in the Mulligatawny Soup (ewwww, I cant even think about it).

While torturing the poor gardener, Spalding appears to Delphine. He can tell her how to kill the immortal Marie but it will cost her dearly. She hocks all the house's silver and returns with a rare doll-- a 1895 Armand Marseille Dream Baby. Spalding is delighted and smells the doll's rear (that man is SO weird) and tells her the secret is... Benadryl. Who knew?

Meanwhile Cordelia stabs herself in the eyes (both the blue eye and the brown eye) in order to try to get her second sight back. Myrtle is still playing the theremin and spouting strange advice. She tells Zoe she needs to run away with FrankenKyle before Madison or Fiona or God knows who else kill them. She gives them bus tickets to Disney Land (cause that's where you go when you're a teenage witch who may/may not be the next Supreme and you have a zombie boyfriend in tow). Yes, that makes perfect sense.

Fiona and Marie visit the witch hunters. They suggest a 100 year truce. But negotiations break down and the Ax Man axes everyone in the room. I thought Hank's Daddy was up to something since he was so calm before being axed but I guess not. They should have known not to mess with the witches.

On a side note, did anyone notice that picture that Ax Man showed Fiona when he was talking about the house on the farm that they could "retire" to? I believe that might be an actual picture of the house where one of the ACTUAL Ax Man killing occurred. Remember the Ax Man was a real killer that existed in the New Orleans area. I know I have seen that picture before. I'll research it and let ya know.

Then back to the house they go. Delphine puts Benadryl in Marie's drink and then stabs her. But that of course does nothing. Marie starts chasing Delphine with the knife she pulled from her chest. Spalding then shoves Marie down the stairs. He says she's immortal so ya cant kill her but you can bury her somewhere and put something heavy on her so she can't get out.

And it makes me very nervous that Baby Ceci is in the house with all these crazies. First I thought Delphine put her in the soup. Now Spaling is going to do God knows what to her. Run baby, run for your life! Errr crawl, crawl for your life! Crawl right out of that house and down the street!!!

Resurrection Count:

Queenie is back.
Spalding is back (but he's a ghost).
Delphine is back and her head is currently attached to her body. Of course this could change at any time.
Nan is still dead (drowned by Fiona and Marie in the tub).
Luke Ramsey is still dead (and cremated).
Joan Ramsey is still dead (Nan made her drink Clorox).
Misty is still locked in a coffin at the cemetery.
All the head honcho witch hunters are dead (thanks to Ax Man).
James the unfortunate gardener is dead.
Marie is NOT dead (even though she was Benadryled and stabbed with a knife by Delphine).
Baby Ceci is not dead (thank goodness).

There are so many funny lines, its hard to keep track of them all. Here's a few:

"We must say goodbye to Nan who fell in the tub" says Fiona. "Amen" says Marie. How touching considering they both drowned her.
"Your mother is Pol Pot in Givenchy"- Myrtle to Delia at Nan's funeral.
"You're the worst Hollywood cliche, a bobblehead in crotchless panties" (Myrtle). "You just a dried up old Hot Pocket but I dont judge" (Madison).
"Rotting leaves in the Fall smell like an Olympian's ejaculate?" (Myrtle). WTF does that even mean? That is the weirdest thing I've heard on TV in... FOREVER. I don't even know what to say about that.
"You are an enemy to this coven and will be as long as you live. But Cordelia has your number, Slim"- Myrtle to Fiona.
"The harvester ant is one of the most venomous creatures in the world, along with Fiona"- Myrtle to Zoe.
"That ain't magic, it's an antihistamine. The only thing I'm allergic to is you."- Marie to Delphine.

Grade: 5 Monsters (out of 5). I just loved this episode. There was so much action and the dialogue was so snarky. Much more of the same please! And there cant be a lot more since there are only two episodes left in this season.